Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful, but they are also likely to suffer from negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The high rate of working time has been highlighted over the past decades. From
this
aspect, questions about whether nations with a long average working time are
also
likely to suffer from detrimental social consequences arise. In my opinion, nations would suffer from negative social results to some extent. Irrefutably, national
employees
experience a healthy deterioration.
This
is because, compared to short-hours workers, long-hours
employees
struggle with heavy stress and suffer from a lack of sleep.
This
obviously leads them to weaken their physical and mental condition and
this
in turn results in health issues,
such
as depression, stroke, and chronic exhaustion. What is more,
although
there are freedoms of disconnection, family members face disconnection of relationships. In actual fact, domestic studies undertaken by experts revealed that those who work a long time in the workplace are less likely to converse with their families and rarely participate in family events, so family members would easily misunderstand and make severe conflicts with each other.
Nevertheless
, the high contribution of the economy cannot be overlooked.
In other words
, since
employees
have enhanced their working skills and speeds from long hours working, they can deal with a majority of projects in a short period, so companies would earn a great deal of money. To recapitulate, the high contribution of the economy cannot be overlooked, but national
employees
experience a healthy deterioration and family members face disconnection of relationships.
Thus
, nations would suffer from negative social results.
Submitted by subin12260 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

vocabulary
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely. This can elevate your essay and make your arguments even more compelling.
examples
Incorporate more specific examples to illustrate your points. While the essay provides good general evidence, adding more concrete examples or citing specific studies can significantly strengthen your argument.
sentence structure
Work on sentence variety to improve the readability and interest of your essay. Mixing complex and simple sentences can make your writing more engaging.
structure
Your essay logically flows from introduction to conclusion, effectively guiding the reader through your argument.
introduction/conclusion
You have made a clear introduction and conclusion that bookends your essay well, making your stance clear and summarizing your main points effectively.
paragraph organization
You effectively organised your essay into paragraphs, each with a clear main idea that contributes to your overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Average working time
  • Economically successful
  • Negative social consequences
  • Employee burnout
  • Competitive edge
  • Global markets
  • Consumer spending
  • Productivity
  • Work-life balance
  • Mental health issues
  • Community ties
  • Societal well-being
What to do next:
Look at other essays: