IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#methods #today’s #society
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In today’s society, advertising, whether from websites or mobile phones, has always been considered to be an essential part of our
life
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lives
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.
However
, it is said that the techniques used in
advertisements
 are quite immoral and unacceptable. Personally, I strongly advocate
this
 view, and some justifications for my standpoint will be elaborated on in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with,
advertisements
 make the task inefficient when they appear in front of
people
. In fact, there are numerous constant and unethical images, even with noisy music whenever the advertising is played, which discomforts
people
's feelings.
This
 will not only distract
people
,
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apply
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 but
also
 disturb them when they are working, leading to low
performances
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performance
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.
Moreover
, many unnecessary
advertisements
 at the same time are time-consuming, as
people
 will need to wait for the
advertisements
 to disappear or have to click to view them.
In addition
,
advertisements
 affect the minds of
children
 inadequately. Incomplete cognitive development has made
children
 unable to differentiate between right and wrong when they see inappropriate images and activities in
advertisements
.
Therefore
, it is easy to incite
children
 to mimic that
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
For instance
,
according to
 a survey that was conducted in 2023 in Vietnam, 4% of
children
 had tried to use alcohol,
drugs
Correct word choice
and drugs
show examples
 and hurt themselves when they attempted to imitate
advertisements
 on television and smartphones. In conclusion,
although
 advertising is a good way to introduce products, the methods that many companies are using in recent times, which are unsuitable and morally wrong, poorly influence both adults and
children
 in different ways. From my perspective, companies should alter the formula for advertising to both attract
people
 and suit the social.
Submitted by khoianh2404 on

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task response
To achieve a higher band score, consider expanding some points and providing more detailed examples to support your arguments. For example, you could delve into more specific unethical advertising practices.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance coherence by ensuring smooth transitions between paragraphs. You can use more varied linking words or phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a strong framework for your arguments.
task response
The use of relevant specific examples, such as the survey conducted in Vietnam, effectively supports the main points.
task response
The arguments are clear and comprehensive, addressing the prompt well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Unethical
  • Unacceptable
  • Deceptive
  • Exaggerated
  • Misleading
  • Manipulation
  • Vulnerable
  • Targeted advertising
  • Perpetuation
  • Societal norms
  • Stereotypes
  • Negative body image
  • Intrusion of privacy
  • Data-driven
  • Over-saturation
  • Desensitization
  • Annoyance
  • Greenwashing
  • Eco-conscious
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