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Writing Samples
Band 7

Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #time #sports #lessons #schools
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Nowadays, children are less active in their leisure time than many decades ago.
As a result
, it is believed that many
sports
lessons
 must be mandatory in education.
However
, I am not convinced by the statement for some reasons mentioned in
this
 essay. On the one hand, schools must add some
sports
lessons
 to their curriculum. The first reason is that if people are unfit or suffer from some health problems, the government will have to spend a lot of money on medical care in the future. Another reason is that
sports
 help children learn discipline, patience and collaboration which can help them become more independent.
On the other hand
,
sports
lessons
 should not be compulsory at school. First and foremost, when children participate in those, if they are not careful, they can suffer from serious and dangerous injuries.
Secondly
, to provide them with a good training environment, schools need to spend a lot of money on facilities and equipment
as well as
 on experienced trainers.
Thirdly
, joining too many physical activities can make them lose focus on their studies.
In addition
, engaging in
sports
lessons
 takes up a significant amount of valuable study time.
Last
 but not least, some young people are not keen on
sports
, because they actually hate physical activity or consider it a waste of time. In conclusion, participating in
sports
 can bring them many physical and mental benefits, but I think
sports
lessons
 should be optional subjects so that they can feel comfortable when taking part in studying.
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic and provides good reasoning for both supporting and opposing views. However, it would benefit from more specific examples to illustrate your points further. Including real-life instances or data can strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your arguments are logically structured and easy to follow. Make sure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, which you mostly did well. Additionally, link your arguments back to the main question of making sports lessons compulsory to maintain focus.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides, and a conclusion. This makes the flow of your essay easy to follow.
task achievement
You've addressed both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced perspective. Your reasoning is logical and aligns well with the points you are making.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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