IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end hunger and poverty, while others say that economic growth is damaging the environment so it must be stopped. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #growth #hunger #poverty #environment
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It is said that the world can end starvation and poverty issues by flourishing the
economy
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while
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 sceptics believe financial thrive causes environmental pollution.
This
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 writer argues that economic growth should not be stopped as it can raise the employee rate and improve human standards. It is easy to understand that the
economy
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 involves human resources to develop.
In other words
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, since the nation is developing, more factories will be constructed and involve new employees.
In addition
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, those activities provide citizens with more job opportunities, giving everyone a chance to get out of the poverty line and erase starvation. Take the UK as a prime example, in1997, when the country started to industrialise, the rate of unemployment diminished significantly from 23% to 9% in the same year.
However
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, some individuals assume that the financial flourish will cause pollution.
This
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 belief is based on the amount of sewage and emissions which emit from the workshops when industrialization happened.
This
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 point may be true but every single country has strict regulations about industrial wastes. All the trash and exhaust have to be filtered through a complex process before releasing into the environment.
This
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 is the point of the writer, human life will be improved if the
economy
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 grows . To put it simply, the development of the nation's finances will possibly enhance citizens' lives by improving public infrastructures and human services. In
further
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 detail, those nations will have more funds to subsidise in order to bridge the gap between rich and poor, reducing hunger in society. A case in point is the USA, since it became the most powerful country in the world, it has subsidised more than 2 million dollars to Africa to help the nation develop its
economy
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. In conclusion, economic flourish can provide people with more job opportunities and
also
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 improve human life.
Hence
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, it should have been demonstrated that economic growth should be encouraged rather than prevented.
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language
Ensure to use precise vocabulary and avoid repetitive phrases to enhance clarity and avoid awkward expressions. Watch out for minor grammatical errors such as missing articles, prepositions, and other small inaccuracies.
task response
Strengthen your arguments by providing a more balanced discussion of both viewpoints. While you have done well to present the advantages of economic growth, more attention should be given to the environmental concerns to maintain balance.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by using advanced linking words and phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your discussion. This also includes making sure transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smooth.
task response
The essay presents a complete response to the prompt, addressing both viewpoints and providing a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps the reader follow the argument effectively.
task response
Relevant and specific examples are provided to support the points, which strengthens the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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