IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You should spend about 40 mins. Write about the following topic: Cohabitation is believed to bring huge advantages for young people since it enables them to fully understand each other before deciding to get married. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#mins #topic #cohabitation #people
Some couples want to live together without
married
Replace the word
marriage
show examples
. They believe it could help them to have a better understanding
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each other. The idea is great, but it's not appropriate in some countries
particularly
Add the comma(s)
, particularly
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 in eastern countries that have strict cultures and more traditional practices of religion. These factors
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been passed down from generation to generation and naturally,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
shaped
Wrong verb form
shape
show examples
 how someone
build
Change the verb form
builds
show examples
 a relationship.
Also
, many things are taboo when couples is not married yet,
such
 as living together,
physical
Correct word choice
and physical
show examples
 intimacy. ....
Submitted by nathan.nandoo on

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task achievement
You should aim to provide a clear and direct thesis statement in your introduction to guide the reader on your stance regarding cohabitation.
task achievement
Expand on your points by adding more specific examples or evidence. This will help to strengthen your argument and make it more compelling.
task achievement
Ensure to develop your ideas fully. For instance, elaborate more on how traditional practices and religious beliefs influence perceptions on cohabitation.
coherence cohesion
Aim to improve the logical flow of your essay by using effective transition words and phrases to link your points together. This will enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your essay with clear paragraphs each focusing on a single main point. This can help make your argument more structured and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is missing. Ensure to provide a concluding paragraph that summarizes your main points and restates your thesis in light of the arguments presented.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction provides a clear context and presents the topic in an understandable way.
supported main points
You have started to address relevant issues about the topic such as traditional practices and cultural views, which are key aspects of the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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