IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #world #media #touch #news #events
In the cutting-edge technology era, the widespread social platforms provide convenient help for users to contact other
people
 in an easy way and recently updated events that occur around the world.
Although
, there is some argue that insecurity and misinformation have a toxic effect on users,
however
,
this
 writer believes that the convenience of social networking sites brings to our life is outweigh the toxic content. There is a comprehension that social media has a vital role in daily life
due to
 it brings benefits to humans. It can help us to chat or call in different places even in foreign countries.
Moreover
, it is the cheapest method and tackling issues that involve time.
For instance
, apps
such
 as Facebook do not take charge to install and it is famous for connecting users around the world.
Besides
, thanks to search engines, it is easy for humans to access and get the news instantaneously. When something happens news about it will appear on the Internet and distribute. With that ability, everybody in the global can update their knowledge and societal information. An online newspaper
such
 as Bao Thanh Nien will repetitively upgrade news that helps
people
 not be left out.
Nevertheless
,
people
's information can be leaked and sold by app administrators, and uncensored content can appear everywhere. Hackers can attack and collect the private information of customers and important data from their devices.
In addition
, another danger that can arise from the usage of the internet is misinformation which can direct human awareness in the wrong way.
However
, the developer gives the policy privacy to ensure that purchasers’ details are safe,
for example
, Apple with high security with Safari Web.
While
 everyone should check the source before believing something on the internet. To sum it up, networking sites can bring the utmost profit but
also
 suffer danger
by contrast
. But if
people
 use it in the right way, the fast and convenience are superior to the insecurity of the media.

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay. Make sure each point flows smoothly to the next and that paragraphs are connected seamlessly.
task achievement
Incorporate more comprehensive examples that directly illustrate your main points to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that all paragraphs are fully developed and avoid repetition of points for a more effective argument.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively presented a clear introduction and conclusion, setting the stage for the discussion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt thoroughly, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • facilitate
  • geographically separated
  • fostering
  • connectivity
  • instant communication
  • real-time information
  • misinformation
  • rigorous checks and balances
  • fake news
  • addictive nature
  • detract
  • face-to-face interactions
  • mental health
  • awareness of limitations
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