In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

Since we were little, our parents told us that the work pays off. So, in order to reach any goals, children have to try hard. Somebody may question themselves: does fate always reward hardworking ones? Or should a child be told that sometimes life is not fair enough?
This
is a problematic situation that needs to be discussed.
To begin
with positive sides, majority of people agree with the statement about the hard work. Nothing can be achieved without any actions. Throughout the history, humans would always struggle with almost everything. But
at the end
, they would usually succeed. Another advantage is an inspiration. After being told that the work pays off, children will understand that no matter what problems are faced, no matter how difficult the conditions can get, you will always end up with a win. They would feel themselves inspired and, as it is said, nothing can stop a man if he does not want to be stopped. But the idea of trying hard contains several disadvantages.
Firstly
, as it was mentioned before, life is not a fair place at all. You may be the most hardworking human being to ever exist, but it does not except the chance of your failure. As a Scottish singer Al Stewart once said: “No empire rises that sooner or later will not fall”.
Secondly
, a child may basically give up trying to reach some goals after failing once. They would question themselves: “If I did not manage to succeed
this
time, why would I become a winner the next time”.
This
is a common situation with young ones. To summarize everything written before, the whole point of hardworking to get an achievement may be controversial. But despite having some negative aspects which would affect badly on a child’s mindset, parents should always cheer up and guide them in the right direction.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of teaching children that hard work pays off. However, it would benefit from more specific examples to fully illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
While you have a logical structure in place, with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, improving transitions between your points could enhance the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Some of your ideas could be elaborated upon further for clarity. Try providing more detailed explanations or additional points to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with grammatical mistakes and phrasing; a few sentences are awkwardly worded and could be clearer. For example, "life is not a fair place at all" could be revised for naturalness.
task achievement
You provided a well-rounded discussion by addressing both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a balanced essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effective, helping to frame the essay and summarize your points clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average life expectancy
  • developed world
  • increase
  • individuals
  • society
  • personal goals
  • ambitions
  • quality of life
  • leisure
  • recreation
  • healthcare costs
  • challenges
  • healthcare system
  • ageing population
  • shortage
  • available workers
  • economy
  • retirement planning
  • healthy lifestyles
  • investing
  • social support systems
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