most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals, during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is undeniable that
due to
the development of society, cultural
festivals
are becoming forgettable.
Additionally
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
just enjoy themselves during celebration periods.
Although
I
also
want to have fun during
festivals
, I extremely disagree that
people
have forgotten their origins.
Initially
,
festivals
become one of the most memorable times that
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
citizens expect. In Asian countries,
Tet
Correct article usage
the Tet
show examples
holiday is a realistic example of a festival period when
people
are likely to go shopping, buy new decorations to set up their houses, and even give some lucky money to their family members. Similar behaviour
also
occurs in non-religious behaviour
such
as Bonfire Night.
People
tend to watch fireworks displays and perhaps go to events in local parks.
Therefore
, most
people
only look forward to enjoyment rather than a time to practice religion.
In other words
, it can make both religious and non-religious become similar. On the opposite side, enhanced knowledge about the origin of
festivals
can be preserved.
Furthermore
, despite enjoying traditional holidays without knowing their cultural background, citizens can connect them together.
Thereafter
, they not just only entertain
people
, but
also
help them to gain more knowledge to reach a widened experience.
As a result
, passing knowledge of religious
festivals
is deeply significant to the next generation. Let's take Christmas as an example, if children can learn about the story of Jesus, they will have a chance to generally learn stories behind these occasions at an early age. In conclusion,
while
have entertained religious holidays enjoyably. I believe that they are still aware of the reasons for these celebrations.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your ideas. Some transitions between arguments are a bit abrupt, making it hard to follow your line of reasoning.
task achievement
Expand on your main points with more examples or details. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You provided specific examples, such as Tet holiday and Christmas, which help illustrate your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: