Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults . Do you agree or disagree?

Many

people

believe that the idea of having a punishment for juvenile criminals the same as adults is reasonable. I disagree with the statement because young

people

's consciousness is not mature enough and can cause reoffends. I will elaborate on

this

in my essay below.

Firstly

, the idea that young children do not have enough awareness of what they are doing is beneficial because they are not fully grown.

This

is because the perception of human society may be misunderstood as they are exposed to violent films, games and bad

people

, these may lead to non-expected behaviours and cause dire situations.

For example

, in some high schools, teenagers who think they are more mature than their counterparts and want to prove that so they violate their peers.

As a result

, the number of juvenile delinquents increases rapidly, significantly affecting the public.

In addition

, the idea of a chance to cause reoffences among teenage lawbreakers is reasonable as their mindset will be illegal-oriented.

This

can be explained by the fact that when exposed to other older offenders for a long time

instead

of having suitable rehabilitation in juvenile jail, youngsters’ mindsets will be affected and can not turn back to normal.

This

can be seen in the case of most aggressive acts of children are usually imitate gangsters and criminals.

Consequently

, they became violent, leading to imprisonment. In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, I maintain that juvenile criminals should not be punished the same way as mature

people

because they will not feel remorseful and can carry out more crimes. It can be predicted that both governments and parents should offer the right treatment and guidance for teenagers.

Submitted by nguyetcat.dao on Sun Mar 17 2024

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logical structure

Revise the structure of your essay to include a more distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This will aid in presenting your ideas in a clearer, more persuasive manner.

introduction conclusion present

Ensure your introduction and conclusion are carefully crafted to succinctly present your thesis and summarise your key points. These should bookend your essay effectively.

supported main points

Enhance your essay by supporting your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. This will strengthen your argument and provide a clearer understanding for the reader.

complete response

Your response to the task is on the right path, but to improve, aim to cover all aspects of the question more comprehensively. Include a wider range of ideas and make sure you address the prompt directly throughout your essay.

clear comprehensive ideas

To attain clearer and more comprehensive ideas, consider elaborating on your points with more detailed reasoning and specific, real-life examples. This will enrich your essay and make your stance more convincing.

relevant specific examples

Include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. These examples should be directly related to the points you're making and effectively illustrate your arguments. Consider using studies, statistics, or real-life cases that clearly support your viewpoint.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

280 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults . Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

At the present time the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that money is one of the most essential factor in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute toward happiness?

more and more people tend to procrastinate in tasks these days. Some people think procrastination is the prime reason for the failure in life. Do you agree or disagree

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that young people learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others say that young people who play electronic and computer games are wasting their time.both these views and give your own opinion.