IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funds from government in order for them to continue with their work. To what extent do you agree?

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Nowadays, many
artists
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 have suffered from poverty, and it has become a major issue in many parts of the world. I partly agree that the
government
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 should provide funding to
artists
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 since low payments might be the fundamentally hardest part of continuing with their artworks. On the one hand, there are several grounds to support the view that funding services cannot be a perfect method ultimately to resolve
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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, funding might be misused it the wrong purposes
such
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 as gambling, drugs and drinking.
According to
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 recent research, some
artists
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 who are provided subsidies from the
government
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 reported that they had experiences of using that was needless to create their art. In short, money might not be the best solution to solve their artistic works problems.
On the other hand
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, I believe that the
government
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 should mitigate the fundamental problem which is the proper funding regulations.
To begin
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 with, earning low salaries makes it difficult to continue with their
artworks
Fix the agreement mistake
artwork
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. In fact, money is connected with directly some difficulties in making creations
such
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 as the lack of materials
,
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apply
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 and holding art exhibitions.
For instance
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, a variety of artistical scholarships from the
government
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 can help not only create artworks
such
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 as supplying art materials
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 use the living cost.
Therefore
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, numerous
artists
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 can live and get opportunities to maintain their artwork by receiving funding. In conclusion, it is not a clear-cut issue as there are pros and cons for both perspectives. Despite there are diverse methods to support
artists
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, I suggest that providing funding is the most effective solution.

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task achievement
While the response is quite comprehensive, you should ensure all your points are fully clear and developed. Structuring your arguments more distinctly will enhance the clarity.
task achievement
You might want to elaborate more on your examples to make them more specific and impactful. For instance, mention specific studies or real-world examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring that all your points connect seamlessly. Transition between the
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a good framework for your argument. Well done!
logical structure
You have a logical structure that makes your essay easy to follow.
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