Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialize with others. This can lead to a number of dangerous situations which can be threatening for children. what problems do children face when going online without parental supervision? How can these problems be solved?

Due to
the carelessness of
parents
, a lot of
children
can access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Internet
freely and use it to communicate with online communities;
as a result
, it leads to tons of negative effects on the younger generations. In
this
essay, both problems that
children
might encounter will be outlined and solutions to tackle
this
matter will be outlined before reaching a conclusion.
To begin
with, there are a lot of problems when
parents
do not supervise their offspring's activities on the
Internet
and one of the most significant is mental health issues. To elaborate
further
, their
children
's identities can be easily stolen by scammers and
therefore
these people will use the new identities to fraud or scam other adults.
Moreover
, youths will get bullied by trolls who always use the
Internet
or social media to attack others. An apt illustration is that when I was in middle school, my friend's Facebook account was copied by an anonymous and
this
guy used his identity to scam our
parents
by pretending to borrow money;
consequently
, when our
parents
wired money to
this
man, he disappeared and did not reply our messages again.
Therefore
, a lot of students not only in the same grade but individuals from everywhere on the
Internet
bullied and told him off, making him feel depressed, stressed and anxious.
On the other hand
, there are a number of solutions to protect
this
matter and the most crucial is that
parents
need to take care of their offspring closely. To explain in greater detail, adults should limit their accessibility to the sites or platforms by creating a password that they only know.
Furthermore
, the older generations should nudge and encourage them to speak honestly and straightforwardly whenever they face unbearable situations. To specifically illustrate, my aunt and his husband created a password when their child tried to open websites that would bring negative effects to the kid.
In addition
, I always heard both of them teaching their offspring to be honest and open with them when
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
encountered something that
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
felt unsafe and needed a helping hand. All in all, it is undeniable that when
parents
neglect and ignore
the
Change the word
their
show examples
children
's
accessibility
Replace the word
access
show examples
to the online world, it will
provide
Verb problem
cause
show examples
a number of demerits to them
such
as mental problems,
Hence
, in order to tackle and ease
this
matter, adults should look after and take care of their offspring closely.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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language
Work on refining sentence structures and making them more succinct to enhance clarity.
task
Provide slightly more balanced arguments by acknowledging potential counterpoints, even if briefly stating why they are less significant.
coherence
Use linking words more effectively to connect ideas within paragraphs and between sections.
introduction
The introduction clearly outlines the key areas that the essay will address, providing a solid roadmap for the reader.
evidence
Good use of specific examples, particularly the personal anecdote which makes the arguments more relatable and illustrates the point effectively.
conclusion
Conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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