IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musician and artists.

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Introduction
In today's globalised
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 some
consier
Correct your spelling
consider
 that
schollars
Correct your spelling
scholars
 and technology experts give more contribute rather than musicians and artists. Personally, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will explain my point of view.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, it is considered that
XXI
Correct article usage
the XXI
show examples
 century is
technology
Correct article usage
a technology
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 era thanks to scientists. Their inventions make human life more comfortable and easier.
For instance
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, going to another country used to take many months and days. But nowadays, by
plane
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plane,
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 we can travel all around the world.
Moreover
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, thanks to techie professionals we can keep in touch with our friends and family members no matter where are they.
Furthermore
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, in modern
families
Add a comma
families,
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 women
also
Linking Words
 work and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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have domestic responsibilities.
Hence
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, cutting-edge tools and modern gadgets help them to relieve
houseworks
Correct your spelling
housework
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, human has moral values and these distinguish him from
another living things
Replace the adjective
another living thing
other living things
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. Musicians and artists feed our
soul
Fix the agreement mistake
souls
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 and help us to enjoy life.
In addition
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, a music piece or painter's can reflect
that
Correct pronoun usage
those
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emossions
Correct your spelling
emissions
emotions
 which we can not express.
For example
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, despite the fact that the most popular singer Michael Jackson
does
Verb problem
has
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 not
in
Add a missing verb
been in
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 a life for
a years
Correct the article-noun agreement
years
a year
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 his songs still are listening.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, scientists and technology professionals give more
cintribute
Correct your spelling
contribute
 for society, because their inventions help us to live more
comfortable
Change the word
comfortably
show examples
. Musicians and artist pieces not
cruccial
Correct your spelling
crucial
such
Linking Words
 as schollars.

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task achievement
The essay needs more precise language, especially for key terms such as 'scholars' and 'contribute'. Correct spelling and grammatical errors for clarity, for example 'contribute' instead of 'contribure' and 'crucial' instead of 'cruccial'.
coherence cohesion
Organize paragraphs clearly. Ensure each paragraph logically follows the other. Strengthen the connections between ideas within each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay has provided a complete response to the prompt, discussing both sides and sharing a personal opinion.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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