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Band 6

Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today's modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?

Since we are living in a digital age ,people here are paying more attention to technology developments rather than
art
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 and
music
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.In my view , the Modern
generation
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 should not forget about
art
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's importance and schools and universities
also
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 must teach children about basic
art
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. First of all,
music
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 plays a crucial role in improving the mental conditions of people.
In addition
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, it is
also
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 a great way to relax after hard work.
For example
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 ,children spend a lot of amount of time learning and studying
subjects
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 and listening to some melodies can give them a little bit of motivation and energy for
further
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 studies.
Moreover
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, painting or singing can develop creative skills in them.
For instance
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 ,by making
art
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 they can learn how to create ideas and make them real. Because of these reasons ,I believe
music
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 and
art
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 are important for kids’ development. When it comes to studying
art
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 and tune in schools ,it would be a useful lesson for students .
For example
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 ,ancient writers and painters gathered a dozen pieces of important information and left it as a legacy in the form of
art
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 to the modern
generation
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.
Finally
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, these
subjects
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 in school can improve their imagination skills and critical thinking. Specifically,the most of historical professions and activities rejected painting and writing skills which can be developed by researching and studying these kinds of
subjects
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. In conclusion,
art
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 and
music
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 play an indisputable role in the past
generation
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as well as
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 the present
generation
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. I absolutely agree that educational universities and schools must provide
this
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 kind of
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subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
show examples
 as it has proven benefits for them.

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introduction conclusion present
Provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph contains a single main idea and that it flows logically into the next.
supported main points
Develop points with more detailed examples and explanations to make the argument stronger.
complete response
The essay introduces relevant points about the importance of art and music.
introduction conclusion present
There is a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
relevant specific examples
Examples provided (e.g., role of music in mental health, creativity in children) are relevant and support the main ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural identity
  • cognitive benefits
  • emotional expression
  • mental well-being
  • mindfulness
  • human connection
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • discipline
  • collaboration
  • economic contributions
  • academic performance
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