IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that countryside life is healthier while others believe that city is better in order to have a healthy lifestyle. Discuss both views with your own perception.

#people #countryside #life #city #lifestyle #perception
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Living far from the crowdedness of the
city
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 is becoming a trend nowadays. Some people believe that suburban
areas
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 are better than cities in terms of a healthy
lifestyle
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. In my opinion, both
areas
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 have their own benefits and drawbacks and
this
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 essay will elaborate more on
this
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 topic. On the one hand, the countryside usually contains fewer people and is less crowded. It offers good quality air and might display natural scenery. But since it is located far from the centre of the
city
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, it means that there will be fewer salary companies to work for.
For instance
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, in Indonesia, there are a lot of people migrating from urban
areas
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 to the capital
city
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 of
Jakarta
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 to obtain a high salary in order to fund their lives.
Hence
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 they have to give up their slow
lifestyle
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 because in
Jakarta
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 everything is done fast.
On the other hand
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, the big
city
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 usually offers sophisticated public transportation and good public
areas
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 which can be used as one of the ways to reach a healthy
lifestyle
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.
For example
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, 30% of workers in
Jakarta
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 use Trans
Jakarta
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 or MRT as their daily vehicle to reach their destination. That means they mostly walk to arrive at the bus station or train station.
Therefore
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, those will increase their steps and help them to reach a healthy body.
To sum
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up
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up,
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 everything that has been stated so far, I think that either living in the countryside or a
city
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 is healthy, but it relies a lot on how our daily
lifestyle
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 is performed.
Submitted by pocutarifahzahrina on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task and covers both views comprehensively. However, expanding on your main points with additional examples or details could improve the depth of analysis.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion, consider working on smoothing transitions between some points for even better fluidity.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and encapsulate the main points succinctly.
task achievement
Your examples, such as the use of Trans Jakarta and MRT, provide relevant support to your arguments.
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