Most people believe that social media such as facebook and instagram negatively impact on society and individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is thought by a selection of individuals that social
media
applications
such
as Facebook and Instagram only offer drawbacks to people in our communities. From my perspective, I strongly agree with
this
notion and my supporting reasons will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion. At the outset, there are several demerits that social
media
provides to individuals and one of the most significant is
health
. To elaborate
further
, there are a lot of trolls who are always bullying others on these platforms which in turn many people feel stressed and depressed, leading to mental
health
.
Moreover
, individuals tend to lie down on their beds and couches binging on these applications contributing to a lack of active activities and worsening their physical
health
. An apt illustration of
this
is my brother always
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
show examples
his time playing
a
Change preposition
on a
show examples
phone on a bed;
as a result
, he gains more weight and gets exhausted easily when we go out to run in the morning together.
In addition
, he has mentioned feeling depressed because his friends constantly bully and tease him when he posts pictures on Instagram.
Additionally
, another clear downside of
this
notion is that it makes people jump on the bandwagon. To explain in greater detail, citizens splash out on things that are not necessary for their lives in order to obtain items that others have.
Furthermore
, some activities on social
media
can cause negative effects to society
such
as noise pollution, air pollution, etc. To specifically demonstrate, one of my friends always buys figurines that are popular at that time and
hence
she cannot make ends meet in each month. Another thing is, there was a time when my friend found the flare was trendy and
thus
she bought it and played with other friends;
besides
, made a loud noise that bothered and disrupted other residents all over the village. All in all, it is undeniable that social
media
only
brings
Verb problem
has
show examples
negative effects on society. From my point of view, I agree with
this
idea as it not only affects both mental
health
and physical
health
badly but
also
makes citizens jump on the bandwagon and do some nonsensical things in their lives.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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coherence cohesion
Great structure and flow overall, but some sentences could be more concise for better clarity.
task achievement
Ensure that all points are equally developed to provide a comprehensive view. The examples are helpful but should be more diverse.
coherence cohesion
Clear and engaging introduction and conclusion that frame the essay well.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples to support main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • detrimental
  • dysfunctional
  • impede
  • adverse
  • compulsive
  • obsessive
  • inherently
  • undermine
  • vulnerable
  • censorship
  • exploitation
  • vicious cycle
  • isolation
  • fraudulent
  • dissemination
  • manipulation
  • creativity
  • engagement
  • tolerance
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