Most people believe that social media such as facebook and instagram negatively impact on society and individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #media #facebook #instagram #impact #society #individuals

It is thought by a selection of individuals that social

media

applications

such

as Facebook and Instagram only offer drawbacks to people in our communities. From my perspective, I strongly agree with

this

notion and my supporting reasons will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion. At the outset, there are several demerits that social

media

provides to individuals and one of the most significant is

health

. To elaborate

further

, there are a lot of trolls who are always bullying others on these platforms which in turn many people feel stressed and depressed, leading to mental

health

Moreover

, individuals tend to lie down on their beds and couches binging on these applications contributing to a lack of active activities and worsening their physical

health

. An apt illustration of

this

is my brother always

spend

Correct subject-verb agreement

spends

show examples

his time playing

Change preposition

on a

show examples

phone on a bed;

as a result

, he gains more weight and gets exhausted easily when we go out to run in the morning together.

In addition

, he has mentioned feeling depressed because his friends constantly bully and tease him when he posts pictures on Instagram.

Additionally

, another clear downside of

this

notion is that it makes people jump on the bandwagon. To explain in greater detail, citizens splash out on things that are not necessary for their lives in order to obtain items that others have.

Furthermore

, some activities on social

media

can cause negative effects to society

such

as noise pollution, air pollution, etc. To specifically demonstrate, one of my friends always buys figurines that are popular at that time and

hence

she cannot make ends meet in each month. Another thing is, there was a time when my friend found the flare was trendy and

thus

she bought it and played with other friends;

besides

, made a loud noise that bothered and disrupted other residents all over the village. All in all, it is undeniable that social

media

only

brings

Verb problem

has

show examples

negative effects on society. From my point of view, I agree with

this

idea as it not only affects both mental

health

and physical

health

badly but

also

makes citizens jump on the bandwagon and do some nonsensical things in their lives.

Submitted by nnatthinee on Sun Jun 09 2024

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coherence cohesion

Great structure and flow overall, but some sentences could be more concise for better clarity.

task achievement

Ensure that all points are equally developed to provide a comprehensive view. The examples are helpful but should be more diverse.

coherence cohesion

Clear and engaging introduction and conclusion that frame the essay well.

task achievement

Good use of specific examples to support main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

366 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

detrimental
dysfunctional
impede
adverse
compulsive
obsessive
inherently
undermine
vulnerable
censorship
exploitation
vicious cycle
isolation
fraudulent
dissemination
manipulation
creativity
engagement
tolerance

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Most people believe that social media such as facebook and instagram negatively impact on society and individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Modern technology in now very common in most workplaces. How do you thik this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying to much on technology?