In some parts of the world, many famous people are regarded as 'role models' and they are having an increasing influence on the young. is that a positive or negative development?

#parts #world #people #role #models #influence #development

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Nowadays, in some monopolies, it has become a trend for

celebrities

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to take the role of models for youth, by having an essential influence on them.

Although

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teenagers

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will be motivated by the results of

stars

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, not all famous people can be useful models for them.

To begin

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with, adults will be incentivized by

stars

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, since they pay attention to their level of life and income. Famous people can lead them to be as hardworking individuals as they used to be.

In addition

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stars

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can give them some advice about strategies for education they have taken in order to become wealthy.

For example

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, in India, the example for adults is Shahrukh, since they know not only about his profit but

also

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advice he can give to the younger generation.

Thus

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teenagers

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will try to take as much useful information from

stars

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as possible and will be motivated.

On the other hand

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celebrities

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have an awful influence on youth as it leads to forgetting about their nationality .They will try to copy all aspects of the life of

celebrities

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and keep with the idea that they will not be able to achieve as high goals as they can by being in their hometown.

For instance

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, Anime has had to significant impact on

teenagers

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' attitudes on life. They try to copy not only fashion styles but

also

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traditions, by forgetting about their own customs .

Therefore

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, the main drawback is that youth might be able to forget about their nationality. In conclusion,

furthermore

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, adults will be stimulated by famous people, and they forget about their citizenship. If

teenagers

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try to grow up

according to

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the way the

celebrities

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do, but in their own monopoly, we will not be frustrated by issues like

this

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Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on Tue May 21 2024

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task achievement

To improve task achievement, ensure you address the topic more directly and clearly. Make sure each paragraph clearly supports your main thesis and provides specific examples that are directly related to the role models' influence.

coherence cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, aim for a more logical structure. Transition smoothly between ideas and ensure each paragraph follows from the previous one. Use cohesive devices, like linking words or phrases, more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.

task achievement

Be more precise with your examples and how they relate to your arguments. Directly tie each example to the point you're making to clearly illustrate your argument.

coherence cohesion

Revise to ensure that the introduction sets up the essay clearly and the conclusion summarizes your main points effectively. Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion.

task achievement

Eliminate vague or slightly off-topic statements and focus on making each sentence contribute to the overall argument. This will improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.

task achievement

The essay attempts to address both positive and negative aspects of famous people acting as role models for youth, which shows a balanced approach.

coherence cohesion

There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the essay.

task achievement

The essay provides specific examples (e.g., Shahrukh, Anime) to illustrate points, which is effective in making the argument tangible.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

5.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

5.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

5.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

290 words

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In some parts of the world, many famous people are regarded as 'role models' and they are having an increasing influence on the young. is that a positive or negative development?

Your opinion

"Art is considered an essential part of all cultures througout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interests in the arts?"

You recently traveled on a train which arrived very late causing you to miss an appointment. Write a letter to the train company. In your letter, -explain what caused the delay in the journey -tell them what happened because of the delay -ask them for a refund

The most effective way to solve traffic and transport problems in the cities is to encourage people from suburbs or the countryside to live in the cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both these views!

Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?