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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The table shows information about students studying at an Australian university in 2009.

The table shows information about students studying at an Australian university in 2009.
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Presented for consideration is a table depicting the proportion of
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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Australian university
students
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 in different available fields and different
criteria
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 throughout the year
of
Change preposition
apply
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2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of mentioned studying majors had the female percentage considered as the highest one out of
three
Correct article usage
the three
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 referred
criteria
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, apart from Information Technology (IT) and Engineering, in which it was non-English mother-tongue in the IT and non-native Australian in the Engineering.
In addition
Linking Words
, the female figure in
Use synonyms
Humanities
Correct article usage
the Humanities
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 had the highest proportion compared to all of
available
Correct article usage
the available
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 statistics,
whereas
Linking Words
,
also
Linking Words
 in
Use synonyms
Humanities
Correct article usage
the Humanities
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, the opposite was true for non-English mother-tongue
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
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. Looking at the Female section in
further
Linking Words
 detail at
Linking Words
first
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, it is apparent that there were much more women choosing to study
Humanities
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 than other subjects, which recorded
at
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apply
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nearly
three quarters
Add a hyphen
three-quarters
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in
Change preposition
of
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 the total
students
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 in
this
Linking Words
 field. Following was Education, which was 68%, over a tenth lower than
Humanities
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. Science and Physics
was
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were
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 relatively similar, whose percentages were 52% and 56% respectively, which was a mere discrimination between them. IT and Engineering were at the bottom of the list, particularly Engineering, which was just 15%, even lower than a quarter of the
Humanities
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. Turning to the two remaining categories, the disparities were still noticeable. Nearly
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half of
students
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major
Wrong verb form
majoring
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 in IT had
the
Correct article usage
a
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first
Use synonyms
 language that was not English, higher than others when examining
at
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apply
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the same
criteria
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. Its ratio of
foreigner
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foreign
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students
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 had the same status, which was 56%, the same
with
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as
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Physics’
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Physics
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to the
Female’s
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Female
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,
Humanities
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 had the two lowest figures in other assessment, which was just exactly 12% in non-English
first
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 language, four times lower than IT, and a fifth in the remaining one, over twice lower than Physics. The rest statistics in
two
Correct article usage
the two
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criteria
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 were various, ranging between 45% and 16%, in the English-different
first
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 language, and from 23% to 48% in non-native Australian.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, criteria, humanities, first with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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