The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking the visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two period

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking the visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two period
The pie chart
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
information on the percentage of satisfaction of Ashdown Museum
visitors
, after and before establishing some improvement on the Museum.The segments represent different categories including (Very satisfied, satisfied, dissatisfied, very dissatisfied, and No response)
Overall
,
it is clear that
visitors
Change noun form
visitors'
visitor's
show examples
experience has enhanced and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their satisfaction has increased after
estblishing
Correct your spelling
establishing
refurbishement
Correct your spelling
refurbishment
. Before
refurbishement
Correct your spelling
refurbishment
, a substantial portion of the chart is dedicated to those who expressed their dissatisfaction, accounting for 40%.
While
individuals who reported very dissatisfied represent 30% of the total responses. Followed by 15% who were satisfied and 10% who reported very satisfied, only 5% gave no response. After
refurbishement
Correct your spelling
refurbishment
, a substantial portion of the chart is dedicated to those who expressed their satisfaction, accounting for 40%.
While
individuals who reported
very
Add a missing verb
being very
show examples
satisfied represent 35% of the total responses. On the negative side, 15% of the
visitors
after the improvement were dissatisfied and 5% reported very dissatisfied, only 5% gave no response. In summary, it is worth noting that
visitors
Change noun form
visitors'
visitor's
show examples
experience has significantly increased after the
refurbishement
Correct your spelling
refurbishment
, representing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
large proportion of the total responses.
Submitted by marammajid1999 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, refurbishement with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "gave" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "represent" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "improvement" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "substantial" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: