Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, unhealthy patients tend to prefer finding
alternative
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medicines
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and
treatments
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instead
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of visiting a usual
doctor
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. I think the development of selecting
alternative
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medicines
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or
treatments
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before visiting a
doctor
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is a negative development because
alternative
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medicines
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and
treatments
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may not be certified or tested properly which might be harmful to patients.
On the other hand
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, mainstream healthcare, which does not harm you has been certified and tested for over a century. For
alternative
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medicines
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and
treatments
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,
firstly
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, I would like to categorize these therapies into two groups one is well-certified
treatments
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and
medicines
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another is uncertified
treatments
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and
medicines
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. I would say it is not bad to find
alternative
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healthcare, but it is inadequate to find it before consulting with a
doctor
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. Doctors
also
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know that
alternative
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well-certified healthcare has existed and it is
also
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an option for you to choose with their guidance. To illustrate, If a drug recommended by the
doctor
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has lots of side effects, you could ask for guidance with
alternative
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medicines
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with lower effects.
On the other hand
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, harm can occur by using uncertified
treatments
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and
medicines
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or well-certified ones without doctors' recommendations.
For example
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, a patient with a high heart rate
due to
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cardio-vascular
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cardiovascular
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disease needs to have a drug to reduce his heart rate every day. Meanwhile, he has a headache and he prefers to use
alternative
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medicines
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that treat perfectly with his headache symptoms but raise his heart rate. These might be worse someday. In conclusion,
although
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,
alternative
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medicines
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and
treatments
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are dramatically helpful if you use them properly with doctors' guidance, it can be harmful if patients use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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without any concern from their
doctor
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.
Submitted by thitiwatkem on

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task achievement
Try to clearly distinguish between certified and uncertified alternative medicines and treatments right from the start. Your argument becomes repetitive at times because the distinction was not crystal clear from the beginning.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to illustrate your points more vividly. Specific instances can make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs are overall well-organized, but ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. At times, the essay seems a bit monotonous due to repetitively structured sentences.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are both present and contribute to a complete essay structure.
task achievement
Your argument for the negative impact of uncertified alternative medicines is clearly explained.
task achievement
The essay covers various aspects of the topic, showing a reasonable depth of argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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