IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Most societies have its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. To what extent do you agree?

#societies #people #money
Some people want governments to spend
money
 looking for life on other
planets
. Others,
however
, think
this
 is a waste of public
money
 when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. The
space
 is a tempting topic. Many people are fascinated by the idea of surfing the
space
 and impressed by the astronauts who have the courage to investigate the unknown.
However
, all of
this
 demands a lot of investments from the government
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to the question: is it worth
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
money
 on looking for life on other
planets
? A crucial aspect to highlight is that almost all of the resources on Earth are limited. Improvements
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society require the drain of our own planet and, unfortunately, not everything can be replenished. At some point,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity will come to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 dead end if the Earth is not able to offer anything for our survival.
However
, by exploring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space
, we can reach other
planets
 with resources, escaping the doom.
For instance
, recently researchers have discovered flying objects with minerals required which are useful for every factory.
Conversely
, travelling to
space
 demands enormous investments from the government. It is common that they can be almost equal to the budget of other crucial fields
such
 as education. To illustrate
this
 point, the
money
 spent on
space
 projects in Russia
exceed
Change the verb form
exceeds
show examples
 the budget of several poor regions. At
this
 point, donations to those parts of the country could be more beneficial. In my opinion, the science is as crucial as every other
parts
Change to a singular noun
part
show examples
 of our society. Support of it causes the astounding growth that nothing else is able to provide.
The
Correct article usage
Space
show examples
space
 exploration is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 piece of science which is impossible to take out.
Although
 the donations to
investigation
Add an article
the investigation
an investigation
show examples
 of other
planets
 are enormous, without them we can miss unbelievable discoveries.
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Improve the grammar and sentence structure to make the arguments clearer and more impactful. For instance, the sentence 'at some point, the humanity will come to the dead end if the Earth is not able to offer anything for our survival' could be rewritten for clarity.
content development
Expand the discussion on the opposing view with more detailed examples. For instance, discussing the impact on education or healthcare more extensively can strengthen the argument.
coherence
Ensure a balanced discussion by giving equal weight to both views before presenting your own opinion. Currently, the essay leans more towards space exploration, making the discussion somewhat biased.
conclusion
Work on improving the conclusion to make it more impactful and summarizing. For instance, reiterate both views briefly and clearly state your stance with strong justifications.
introduction
Good introduction that sets the context for the discussion and engages the reader.
examples
Effective use of examples to support the points, such as the mention of Russia's space budget compared to its poor regions.
conclusion
Strong closing opinion that ties back to the importance of science and space exploration.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: