Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent times, digitalization has been perceived as more of a curse than a blessing. For many, it is a means of societal development.

However

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, others believe it intrusively stalks their daily life activities unbeknownst to them.

While

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acknowledging that there are advantages, I strongly believe that its disadvantages take precedence over the benefits. Having digitalized elements in the human world can be a life-changing experience, but there are numerous disadvantages stemming from technology.

Firstly

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, it has a high potential for intrusive use. Take North Korea as an example: citizens cannot post personal aspects of their lives freely because they are being monitored. If caught, they might be imprisoned for the rest of their lives.

In addition

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, people have died

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the easy accessibility that networking encourages. Jealous partners,

for instance

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, may track their victim's phones and, perceiving any sense of neglect, may resort to violence.

On the other hand

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, notable advantages come from being connected to online activities. One of the most significant benefits is the ability to stay in touch with loved ones far and near.

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, international students who feel lonely can communicate with people back home using technological devices.

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, another major positive aspect of technology is its availability for research.

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, if a scholar wants to know more about their assignment, sourcing information is not difficult as they can use search engines,

thus

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facilitating easy access to education. In conclusion, technological advancement can cause disputes. Some people are willing to promote it for their nation's betterment,

while

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others want it to be entirely eradicated. In my opinion, it causes more irreversible harm than good. If it is mandatory, the government should strictly regulate its dissemination.

adebimpeanimawunFri Jul 05 2024

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task achievement

While you presented a clear stance, delving deeper into how those arguments outweigh the advantages could have strengthened your essay.

coherence cohesion

Improve logical transitions between paragraphs to create a more seamless flow of ideas. Consider using more cohesive devices.

task achievement

You provided relevant and specific examples which illustrated your points effectively.

coherence cohesion

Your essay had a solid introduction and conclusion, framing your argument well.

10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

283 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

1. Surveillance
2. Monitoring
3. Cell phone tracking
4. Security cameras
5. Public safety
6. Law enforcement
7. Privacy concerns
8. Personal freedom
9. Autonomous
10. Breach of trust
11. Misuse of information
12. Institutional integrity
13. Psychological impact
14. Mental well-being
15. Societal trust
16. Paranoia
17. Transparency
18. Stringent regulations
19. Criminal deterrence
20. Apprehension of criminals

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