Many young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities leaving behind an elderly population. What are the problems associated with this? What can be done about it?

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There is no denying that a

number

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of young generations are leaving rural

areas

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to live in big cities, leaving behind senior citizens.

This

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situation has a

number

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of negative impacts on our society.

However

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, I firmly believe that there are several ways to solve

this

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issue. There are a

number

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of issues if the majority of young people relocate to metropolitan

areas

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. The most conspicuous one lies in the fact that finding jobs is challenging in the

countryside

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. The primary reason is that there are a

number

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of reasons why young individuals leave the

countryside

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. These days, it is certainly difficult to find job opportunities in the rural

areas

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For example

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, recent research shows that over 80% of job openings are centralized in the capital city of Korea.

This

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is especially true in South Korea, where 80% of job openings can be found in Seoul. It is

also

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worth mentioning that there is less infrastructure for education, entertainment, or cultural facilities for raising their children in rural

areas

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According to

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a recent study, more and more young citizens are moving to bigger cities to find better environments. To solve

this

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situation, I truly believe that the government should establish more infrastructure in the

countryside

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Also

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, by reducing tax rates in many fields for young individuals who are willing to move to small cities, small towns can have a younger population. In New Zealand, recently published research has shown that there has been significant population growth in the younger generation since governments have provided a

number

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of benefits. In conclusion,

it is clear that

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there are many drawbacks to the decreasing young population.

However

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, there are effective ways to solve

this

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problem by providing benefits to young people who are living in the

countryside

Use synonyms

hmhy0326Tue Jul 09 2024

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coherence cohesion

To achieve higher cohesion, consider avoiding repetitive phrases. For example, the essay mentions 'a number of reasons' and 'the number of reasons' in quick succession. Try to use varied expressions.

coherence cohesion

The essay could benefit from a clearer organization of ideas. Ensure each paragraph presents a single clear idea. For instance, the first body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on job opportunities and another on education and infrastructure.

task achievement

Ensure that examples provided are directly relevant and concise. Some examples might be too lengthy or repetitive (e.g., mentioning job statistics for South Korea multiple times).

coherence cohesion

The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the issue well and summarizing the solutions effectively.

task achievement

The problems and solutions are well-identified, covering both social and infrastructural aspects of the issue.

task achievement

The use of specific examples and statistics enhances the legitimacy of the points being made, making the argument more convincing.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

294 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

aging population
healthcare and social services
economic decline
workforce
labor shortages
local economies
vitality
cultural heritage
traditions
cultural identity
infrastructure
supporting local businesses
promoting tourism
access to quality education and healthcare
incentive programs
tax breaks
housing incentives

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Many young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities leaving behind an elderly population. What are the problems associated with this? What can be done about it?

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

University students must pay all tuition fees, because it benefits mostly them individually, rather than the society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, instead of locally sourced produce, many supermarkets sell a variety of foods imported from countries all over the world. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people decide to start their own busniess instead of working hour for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

Environmental hazards are often too great for particular countries or individuals to tackle. We have arrived at a point in time where the only way to lessen environmental problems is at an international level. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

At the present time,the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults,compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?