IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Tobacco is a kind of drug. People have been free to use it. Some people think that it should be illegal to use it comparing with other drugs. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What is your opinion?

#tobacco #drug #people #drugs
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Some individuals
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that
tobacco
Use synonyms
 is a type of drug.
people
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 able to
use
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 it everywhere. They said the government should not allow
people
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 to
use
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 it like other kinds of drugs.
This
Linking Words
 essay totally agrees with
this
Linking Words
 idea because smoking leads to dangerous diseases and
this
Linking Words
 issue increases the number of deaths.
Additionally
Linking Words
, many companies advertise their
tobacco
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 products to improve their sales for their own benefit. In my opinion, there are many adults starting smoking
due to
Linking Words
 it is free to buy so
this
Linking Words
 leads to a rise in the number of
people
Use synonyms
 using it, so later on
this
Linking Words
 results in health problems
such
Linking Words
 as heart disease and high blood pressure.
Moreover
Linking Words
, those problems have a huge effect on their population numbers because the rate of death will increase and citizen numbers will drop.
In addition
Linking Words
, many
tobacco
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 companies do things to grow their sales,
also
Linking Words
 they are offering discounts to make
people
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 try it, and many restaurants offer meals including hookah which is a type of
tobacco
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. All of
this
Linking Words
 is because
people
Use synonyms
 are free to
use
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 it, and they do not care about their society's health.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent survey found that the number of
people
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 suffering from second-way smoking is the highest and affects their lives. In conclusion,
people
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's freedom is important, it should not affect our health. The government has forbidden the
use
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 of
tobacco
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 and makes rules for
this
Linking Words
. It is recommended that the high authority official have to make a law that rules and ensures everyone follows it.
Submitted by saja.alotaibi on

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coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to enhance coherence and guide the reader more effectively through your arguments.
task achievement
Some points could be developed more thoroughly to provide stronger support and a deeper analysis of the arguments presented.
task achievement
The essay clearly states a position and maintains it throughout, which is crucial for a strong task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant examples to support the main points, which adds depth to the arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • carcinogenic
  • respiratory diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • tax revenue
  • addiction
  • regulation
  • public health
  • legislation
  • narcotics
  • prohibition
  • personal autonomy
  • social harm
  • economic burden
  • health implications
  • substance abuse
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