Tobacco is a kind of drug. People have been free to use it. Some people think that it should be illegal to use it comparing with other drugs. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What is your opinion?

Some individuals
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
that
tobacco
is a type of drug.
people
able to
use
it everywhere. They said the government should not allow
people
to
use
it like other kinds of drugs.
This
essay totally agrees with
this
idea because smoking leads to dangerous diseases and
this
issue increases the number of deaths.
Additionally
, many companies advertise their
tobacco
products to improve their sales for their own benefit. In my opinion, there are many adults starting smoking
due to
it is free to buy so
this
leads to a rise in the number of
people
using it, so later on
this
results in health problems
such
as heart disease and high blood pressure.
Moreover
, those problems have a huge effect on their population numbers because the rate of death will increase and citizen numbers will drop.
In addition
, many
tobacco
companies do things to grow their sales,
also
they are offering discounts to make
people
try it, and many restaurants offer meals including hookah which is a type of
tobacco
. All of
this
is because
people
are free to
use
it, and they do not care about their society's health.
For example
, a recent survey found that the number of
people
suffering from second-way smoking is the highest and affects their lives. In conclusion,
people
's freedom is important, it should not affect our health. The government has forbidden the
use
of
tobacco
and makes rules for
this
. It is recommended that the high authority official have to make a law that rules and ensures everyone follows it.
Submitted by saja.alotaibi on

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coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to enhance coherence and guide the reader more effectively through your arguments.
task achievement
Some points could be developed more thoroughly to provide stronger support and a deeper analysis of the arguments presented.
task achievement
The essay clearly states a position and maintains it throughout, which is crucial for a strong task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant examples to support the main points, which adds depth to the arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • carcinogenic
  • respiratory diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • tax revenue
  • addiction
  • regulation
  • public health
  • legislation
  • narcotics
  • prohibition
  • personal autonomy
  • social harm
  • economic burden
  • health implications
  • substance abuse
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