There are more new towns nowadays, it is more important to include public parks and sports for individuals to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In today's contemporary and constantly developing life, a number of cities are experiencing the construction of brand-new innovations,
such
as parks and sports
grounds. I profoundly give credence to the aforementioned idea of establishing more such
types of societal attractions, in the sense of devoting many people
's time there to enhance their health in conjunction with the evolving aggregate position of infrastructure in a city.
To begin
with, keeping fit is a cornerstone of today's life where a tremendous quantity of individuals struggle to do it owing to residing in a perpetual hurry. For
this
reason, different variations of sports
equipment, facilities, and grounds are paramount to maintaining the general health stance. For instance
, according to
the conducted research in New York University in the 2015 year, plenty of adults and adolescents in the USA are currently suffering from plumpness. Correspondingly, the installation of more places for sports
activities tends to lead to auspicious alterations in the body health of an array of people
.
Another noteworthy virtue of possessing parklands, and open gardens, for authorities of the city is crucial as never before. Whereas
the areas on the globe that are not advanced in terms of infrastructure engage fewer people
to spend their time in it, the modernized megacities grant an ineffable perk for citizens. For instance
, Dubai has been modifying itself in all walks of life since 2000, supplying a bunch of playgrounds with sports
attributes for young springs, and specialized workout zones for a mid-ranged community. Thus
the people
who reside there obtain numerous places to which they are able to dedicate their leisure.
To conclude
the previous ideas, I firmly believe that via the intensification I emphasized earlier a colossal amount of mankind will able to devote more of their free time to parks and sports
that are not only profitable for people
but for the government as well.Submitted by kirkagoglesmail on
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language
While your argument is clear and well-supported, you may want to refine the precision of language. Avoid phrases like "a tremendous quantity of individuals" and opt for simpler terms such as "many people." This will increase the readability of your essay.
coherence
Consider improving the transition between paragraphs to make the flow smoother. For instance, use phrases like "Furthermore," or "In addition," to better connect your ideas.
task response
You have used relevant examples, but you can make them even more specific. Instead of saying "conducted research," mention the specific study or provide slightly more detailed background. This will lend more credibility to your essay.
task response
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, clearly outlining the importance of parks and sports grounds in new towns.
coherence
The overall structure of your essay is logical with a clear introduction and conclusion, which successfully encapsulate your main argument.
evidence
You have effectively used statistics and real-world examples to support your main points, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.