Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to university while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some say that the only order to get
money
is a
university
and the other say there is more than one way to get
money
,
this
essay will agree with the second opinion because the
university
is not created to get
money
. Reality has shown us many ways to achieve and reach our goals and for sure not limited to one place, in fact, the
university
is not a good place to get
money
because of what you need in the environment at work, and I mean by
that is
some skills you need,
for example
, my dad did not enter the
university
and
instead
of that he learned about skills that will help him to make
money
after a
while
he did succeed because that, and not just learn skills, there are easy ways too. So I believe that you just need a good mind time and a plan to succeed, especially at
this
time, the time of the Internet, one of my friends told me he did make a lot of
money
just working on the Internet and even with your phone, reading too is helpful,
for example
, if you read a lot about trade
this
will make you a good trader. To be fairer, the
university
is not a bad place to achieve,
for example
, you can’t be a scientist without a
university
,
however
,
this
direction will not lead you to become rich, if
this
is what you want, but the
university
may give beautiful experience in life.
Submitted by ahmedaziz9811 on

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task achievement
Your essay covers the main points of the question, but the clarity of your response can be improved. Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and summarize your points in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally clear, but it could benefit from more organized paragraphs. Try to use topic sentences and transitions to better link your ideas.
task achievement
While you have provided examples, make sure they are directly relevant to your main points. Elaborating a bit more on your examples could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on having a strong conclusion that restates your position and sums up your main points.
task achievement
You have included real-life examples, which help to illustrate your points and make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of different perspectives.
task achievement
You have overall clear ideas and provide multiple ways to achieve success, not just limited to university education.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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