IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

children are not less active in their free time than in the past therefore sports lessons must be compulsory in schools .To what extent do you agree or disagree ? give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #time #sports #lessons #schools
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These days , the young generation tends to spend most of their leisure time doing no physical activity, but making
sports
Use synonyms
 mandatory in
schools
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 is not a great decision. So, I generally disagree with the statement and in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will consider both views and give my opinion. I believe
one
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 of the main reasons that exercise should not be obligatory in places like
schools
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 is because it may have a negative impact on youths. Some young people are not really into
sports
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 , so forcing them to do that will make them hate that subject more.
Therefore
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 , they refuse to do
sports
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 correctly and may injure themselves just to run from it or make excuses to not go to school on
sports
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 days.
One
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 of my cousins is a teacher and she narrated the story of some of her
students
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 who did not come to school on days that they had to do exercise and missed other lessons
such
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 as math and physics.
Moreover
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,
students
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 may fail to pass their exams as they were absent in most of them. There are three better ways that
schools
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 can represent in order to increase their student's physical activity without forcing them. The first
one
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 is
encourage
Fix the infinitive
to encourage
show examples
 them to participate in those classes.
For instance
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 , they can allocate extra points for their tests to those who attend
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sports
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 sections. The second
one
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 is to give
students
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 some gifts and prizes like stationary stuff and money so they will be more enthusiastic to do their homework alongside taking care of their bodies.And the third
one
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 is , to teach pupils about the benefits of exercising and its effects on their health situation and their body. So,
students
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 will be aware and will choose wisely.
To sum up
Linking Words
, in order to make the younger generation
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
participate in
sports
Use synonyms
 classes,
schools
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 can encourage them
instead
Linking Words
 of forcing them , which can have more positive impacts on their lives.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of ideas, and work on varying your vocabulary to strengthen the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
Be sure to fully develop your points with adequate elaboration and examples to further support your arguments.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance and stays on topic, which demonstrates a complete response to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present, effectively framing the essay.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to justify your point of view, such as the anecdote involving your cousin.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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