In many countries it is now illegal to advertise alcohol. Do you agree or disagree?
There are a lot of republics where nation’s minds destroying human identification identification
Advertising of alcoholic beverages should be prohibited because
alcohol
advertising is banned. This
essay agrees with this
idea because drinking can destroy families and advertisers influenceCorrect article usage
the
alcohol
affects the mental and physical state of a person. If a person drinks a lot of alcohol
, various mental problems may appear that will affect life in general; thanks to alcohol
, schizophrenia, bipolar disorders, and so on can develop. When drinking alcohol
, a person harms not only himself,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
his family and friends. There are many problems with alcohol
in the CIS countries, for example
in Russia there are a lot of deaths from alcoholism, but after comparing the percentage of deaths from alcohol
, Russia banned alcohol
advertising on television, which led to a decrease in deaths from alcohol
There is another side to why “drinks of death” are advertised, this
side shows why people
supposedly should buy alcohol
. The main goal of the seller is to sell more alcohol
even if the person’s alcohol
limit has been exhausted. Sellers, in principle, do not care what their product will lead to and what consequences people
will suffer after drinking the “drink of Satan.” A commercial company is trying to show alcohol
as a drink of rich people
, trying to show that if you buy alcohol
you will feel happier or something like that. For example
, an advertisement for Korona beer shows a beautiful girl on the beach drinking beer. However
, at the end
of the advertisement, it is necessary to include a warning about the dangers of alcohol
and what the consequences will be if you consume that very “drink of death”
Well, in conclusion, this
“suicide bomber’s drink” should be banned from advertising in other countries and the creators of such
drinks should not be allowed to profit from ordinary people
, I sincerely hope that alcohol
advertising will be banned in all countriesSubmitted by interclass1982 on
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task achievement
Your response tackles the task comprehensively but could benefit from more elaboration on each argument to deepen the reader's understanding.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction states your thesis clearly and concisely. While your conclusion is strong, the introduction could be more clear about your stance.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported, but transitions between paragraphs can be smoother. This will help in maintaining a more cohesive flow of ideas.
task achievement
Work on reducing repetitive phrases and words to make your essay more concise and impactful.
task achievement
The essay strongly supports the central argument with relevant examples, particularly the case of Russia. This helps to illustrate your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion wraps up the essay well and reinforces the main points clearly.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph contains a clear main point, which is crucial for effective communication of ideas.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?