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Writing Samples
Band 7

The improved technology allows for rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is dangerous for the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As the
technology
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 becomes more advanced nowadays, it has a good effect in spreading
information
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as well as
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 providing access to exchange.
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 most people think that it has drawbacks and can be harmful for the local community, I personally disagree with the statement, and
this
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 essay will explain why. In
this
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 modern era, it is much easier to gain
information
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 as fast as possible, wherever and whenever we want.
Moreover
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, it is
also
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 supported by a smart system
that is
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 involved in the
technology
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 itself,
such
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 as searching tools, social media, and a better quality of internet. So, the
information
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 that we get will be more update, reliable, and sometimes can be helpful for our safety.
For instance
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, a few months ago, an earthquake happened in a certain area of Java Island. Fortunately, there were no victims because the government had alerted the people to evacuate. Not only that, but everyone
also
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 spread
this
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information
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 rapidly on social media, basically to help each other prepare for the worst possibility that might happen or to inform their family. For the society itself, it can help to learn and exchange good cultures from other countries. These are not only about tradition but
also
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 about daily activities that can bring a massive benefit.
For example
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, by searching on the internet, we know that Singapore has a strict law about littering, which means someone has to face a penalty if they do it.
This
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 good example must be applied in Indonesia, so together we can reduce littering, keep the common facilities clean, and have a good impact on our environment. To summarise, it is easier to get
information
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 and learn about other good cultures by using the advances in
technology
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 wisely.
Therefore
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, I firmly agree that improving
technology
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 gives advantages both for society and for people themselves. After thorough analysis of
this
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 subject, it is predicted that the positive effect of the
technology
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 will always be greater than the negative. So, the
technology
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 will remain improved, and it is inevitable.

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strength
Your view is clear and you stay with it, which helps the task.
improvement
Explain each idea more, give more detail, and link it to your main point.
improvement
Mention the other side briefly to show you know both sides.
improvement
Make sure each paragraph has one main idea with a clear topic sentence.
improvement
Use more linking words to smooth flow between ideas.
improvement
Check not long sentences; use short ones to help read.
tone
Clear stance on the issue.
content
Good use of real life examples to show your point.
structure
The write up moves well from start to end.
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