IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try cooporate more rather that competing against each other. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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A substantial number of individuals presume that humans must pay attention to working together in order to compete,
on the other hand
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, many other
people
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 assume that nowadays there is
competition
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 at
work
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 and at school which condition is better.
However
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, recent research has shown that teamwork is a positive
overall
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 trend to improve in complex
work
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, and
competition
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 would be far more beneficial in an attempt to enhance a job or study.
Nonetheless
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, I would say that I agree with the latter opinion, which is far superior for some reasons, which are set out below. In development communities, skilled
work
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 together becomes an indispensable part of
people
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 because the process of a lot of
work
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 is less easy than in the past, so communities need their
people
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 to
work
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 together to facilitate some
work
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. Notably, working in a hospital is a prime example of a condition; they can divide the tasks among the members of the team
according to
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 their responsibilities. Meanwhile, nurses and doctors
take teamwork
Verb problem
work
show examples
 to help ills
instead
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 of spending all their energy on competing at their
work
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.
However
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, some
people
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 have different views by emphasizing that,
People
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 view that
competition
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 can push them to
work
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 harder to beat others. it is common for individuals to be the best performers in many aspects of their lives.
For instance
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, workers will consider different strategies to accomplish the company's goals and gain a reward because they want to have a better outcome in their careers, including increasing salaries. In conclusion, despite the benefit that
competition
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 may have, I believe that a sense of cooperation will give more reliable results for everyone in all aspects of their lives as they can achieve what they want and get the reward together.

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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from reworking the introduction slightly for clarity. The first sentence is a bit confusing and could be more straightforward in presenting the topic of competition vs. cooperation. Try breaking it down into simpler sentences or rephrasing for better understanding.
coherence cohesion
The body paragraphs could be more cohesive by ensuring each point is clearly connected to the overall argument. Make sure transitions between ideas are smooth and logical. This will help the reader follow your line of reasoning better.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. For instance, expanding the example of how teamwork in a hospital setting benefits patient care, or giving a detailed scenario of how competition can lead to improved performance at work, could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You have effectively discussed both views regarding competition and cooperation, which is a key requirement of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your stance, which helps emphasize your opinion clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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