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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
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These days, a vast number of patients tend to use
alternative
medicines
 and treatments as opposed to going to their doctors.
While
 there are some benefits associated with traditional ways of treatment, I believe that the main drawbacks are more substantial. On the one hand, a potential advantage of
alternative
medicines
 may be the lower price of them. Since
such
 treatments are carried out by non-expert
people
, they are cheaper compared to conventional
medicines
.
Moreover
, herbal
medicines
 and other drugs which are used in
this
 method are affordable for most
people
.
Therefore
,
people
 are turning to use
alternative
medicines
 extensively. Another perceived benefit is that chemical drugs and modern
medicines
 have a wide variety of adverse effects for their consumers.
Consequently
, patients prefer to avoid using them in their treatment procedures. Some
people
 believe that traditional and herbal
medicines
 are more effective.
On the other hand
, a primary disadvantage of using
alternative
medicines
 is that many professionals who are serving in the healthcare system
such
 as physicians, nurses and dietitians may derive out of business.
This
 causes an increase in the unemployment rate and other negative consequences. A
further
 drawback is that
alternative
medicines
 are less likely to be efficient in the treatment of various diseases.
This
 may bring about major problems for
people
 and lead to irreversible damage.
For example
, research findings confirm that the consumption of a number of traditional obesity medications results in liver failure in the long run. On balance, it is true that
alternative
medicines
 would seem advantageous under certain circumstances.
However
, in my view, its disadvantages in terms of effectiveness and rising unemployment rates override the advantages.
Submitted by maryam.nutrition1988 on

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task achievement
Provide a few more specific examples or studies to support your claims, especially when discussing the negative aspects of alternative medicine.
task achievement
Be cautious with overgeneralizations, especially regarding the efficacy and safety of alternative medicines.
task achievement
Consider including a brief discussion on the importance of regulating and researching alternative medicines to ensure their safety and efficacy.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
structure
Your essay presents a clear structure with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion.
balance and reasoning
You effectively addressed both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view before stating your own opinion.
language use
Your use of a wide range of vocabulary to express your ideas is commendable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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