Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first sentence. Why is this happening and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
After
first
imprisonment, a Change the article
the first
quantity
of Change the quantifier
number
offenders
show
a tendency to recidivism and Change the verb form
shows
this
urgent issue has sparked heated debates throughout the ruling class. In these forthcoming paragraphs, I will discuss some of the main reasons and solutions to solve this
problem promptly.
Moral rectification, in which various jails around the world are lacking, is the vital key to changing one’s mindset. Most criminals are proven mentally unstable or psychologically deformed, this
leads to deviant behaviours and unfortunate events without them acknowledging their crime. A prime example of this
is the high rise of former convicts in the United States, who already had multiple criminal records, committing another theft or murder and feeling neither empathy nor regret. This
illustrates how harsh prisons have been treating ex-offenders
with physical punishments and no moral rectification in sight.
One feasible solution to this
rising issue is implementing more moral lessons in order to reduce crimes committed after serving the first sentence. Convicts can attend moral classes, and participate in different charitable work to raise funds for the victim’s family; therefore
, change their mindset about harming people and fully feel sorry for their crime. Another noble example of this
measure is the prison cat program in Indiana where offenders
can receive a cat and buy necessities for them if they accomplished
enough missions. By that means, prisoners might restore their belief in humanity; and by caring for small beings, they will acknowledge the fact that we as humans, Wrong verb form
accomplish
also
have our very own precious lives which need to be cherished and appreciated.
In conclusion, moral rectification is a crucial factor in restoring humanity in offenders
during their time serving in prison. This
solution should be activated as soon as offenders
get sentenced to prevent further
crimes committed.Submitted by hawtzvnq on
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task achievement
Your response is comprehensive and adequately addresses the prompt. However, delve deeper into the root causes, such as socio-economic factors, to strengthen the argument. Further examples will enrich your points.
coherence
Your essay follows a logical structure with clear progression of ideas. However, ensure smoother transitions between arguments to enhance cohesion across paragraphs.
cohesion
Linking words and phrases could be more varied to create fluidity and connect ideas seamlessly. Avoid repetitive sentence structures and use diverse connectors to maintain reader interest.
language
Minor grammatical and phrasing adjustments could elevate the clarity and professionalism of your writing. For instance, rephrase: 'a quantity of offenders show a tendency to recidivism' to a more natural construction like 'a significant number of offenders tend to reoffend'.
task achievement
Your inclusion of specific examples, such as the prison cat program in Indiana, effectively supports your solutions and provides a clear context for your arguments.
coherence
Your essay benefits from a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your discussion well.
cohesion
The paragraphs are well-organized, each tackling a distinct point, contributing to the overall readability of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.