Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

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Undoubtedly, the proliferating rate of diseases like obesity in profound nations is a topic of concern. There are a plethora of reasons

such

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as packed stuff, technology, fast food and a lot more behind

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global issue. We need to take significant actions to mitigate

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health problem and support people to live a salubrious life.

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essay will discuss the various measures in detail. First of all, we should raise awareness among the youth and motivate them to participate in some sports activities in their free time in order to stay agile and fit.

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this

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results in diverging them from video games and blessing them with their holistic development. To illustrate, a recent study by the World Health Organisation claimed that 35% of toddlers are overweight because they spend most of their time with smart gadgets.

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, in

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fast-paced era, we prefer everything to be quick and food is no more exception. Consuming hamburgers and ready-to-cook meals can save us time

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these diets come with ample calories and preservatives which can drastically impact the human body.

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, the government should intervene and make some stringent rules for the food industry to produce products with minimal preservatives.

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, a recent survey done around the globe has revealed that rural citizens of India are healthier than urban individuals because they prefer eating fresh cuisine over packed foodstuff. In summary, I think the above-mentioned preventive actions should help the countries to put a pause on

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growing obesity problem and make the planet Earth a healthier place to live.

Submitted by joshi65201 on Mon Jul 22 2024

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clear comprehensive ideas

Ensure that ideas are consistently clear and comprehensive. At times, the sentences could be more concise to enhance readability.

supporting main points

While the essay has good examples, aim to delve deeper into connecting these examples more seamlessly with your arguments.

logical structure

Consider varying sentence structures to improve the overall flow and readability of the essay.

introduction conclusion present

The introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the key issues contributing to obesity.

introduction conclusion present

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and states the importance of taking preventive actions.

logical structure

The essay is logically structured, with paragraphs focused on distinct points (awareness and sports activities, fast food consumption, and government intervention).

relevant specific examples

Relevant examples, such as the studies from WHO and a global survey on Indian rural citizens, are used to support the arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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7
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

261 words

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Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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CEOs and executives should be paid the same salary as an average worker in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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