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Band 6.5

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies
In today's society, it is common for young
people
 to take a
gap
year
 to
work
 or travel before starting university.
This
 essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of
this
 practice. First and foremost, taking a
gap
year
 can provide young
people
 with valuable
work
 experience.
This
 can help them develop important skills
such
 as time management, teamwork, and communication.
For instance
, working in a company for a
year
 can give them practical knowledge that complements their academic studies, making them more competitive in the job market after graduation.
Additionally
, earning money during
this
 period allows them to save for future expenses, reducing financial stress during their university years.
On the other hand
, there are
also
 disadvantages to taking a
gap
year
. One major concern is that young
people
 might find it difficult to return to academic life after a
year
 of working or
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
. The transition from a structured school environment to a more relaxed
work
 or travel schedule can lead to a loss of academic momentum.
Furthermore
, not all young
people
 are able to secure meaningful employment during their
gap
year
. Without relevant
work
 experience, they might end up in low-paying, unskilled jobs that do not contribute to their personal or professional development. In conclusion,
while
 taking a
gap
year
 can offer significant benefits
such
 as
work
 experience and financial savings, it
also
 poses challenges like the potential loss of academic focus and the difficulty of finding suitable employment.
Therefore
, young
people
 should carefully consider their individual circumstances and goals before deciding to take a
gap
year
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
To enhance your essay, consider delving deeper into relevant examples that illustrate both the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year. Specific examples can make your arguments more compelling and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows logically into the next. While your points are well organized, using more transitional phrases can guide the reader more smoothly from one idea to the next.
task achievement
You presented a clear and balanced discussion, addressing both advantages and disadvantages effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion well.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well supported and provide a solid basis for your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
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