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Band 5.5

Government of many countries had to impose a lockdown to control the Coronavirus pandemic. What were the advantages and disadvantages of this lockdown.Give eamples from your own experience

#government #countries #lockdown #control #coronavirus #pandemic #eamples
It was thought that quarantine was the best possible solution ,implemented by
govenments
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governments
, during
covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
show examples
 spread to
decline
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
 the number of
people
 catching the virus.
While
 the
lockdown
 caused many
people
's lives
being
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
 saved, there are many primary drawbacks involved, including dead ends to many occupations and serious mental health issues. One evident disadvantage is that a lot of
people
 lost their
career
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careers
show examples
.
In other words
, most contact jobs had to be stopped during the pandemic in order to minimise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
face-to-face interaction.
This
 resulted in thousands of restaurants being closed,
as well as
,
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
 of millions of
people
for instance
. Another devastating drawback of the
lockdown
 was severe mental health issues. It is reported that a lot of
people
 experienced stress and pressure, even in some cases
people
 dealt with depression. An indication of that would be limited interaction of
people
 with their friends and relatives which can ultimately collapse the population's social life.
On the other hand
, even though the
lockdown
 ,to some extent, destroyed the mental health of almost everyone, it saved millions of lives. Simply, if it was not for the quarantine, the number of patients would grow excessively which could lead to an immediate need for medical services that
costs
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cost
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 a lot of money for the
governments
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government
show examples
. Another obvious advantage of quarantine
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 was the emergence of online platforms including online education and online shops.
Overall
, the
lockdown
 caused an enormous development in the virtual world and introduced us to a new way of living. In conclusion,
although
 it was tough to encounter with covid 19 and all the related difficulties,
people
 learned to adapt quickly and figured out solutions in order to control it and even benefit from it.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis in the introduction to more clearly outline the advantages and disadvantages, providing a more solid framework for your essay.
task achievement
While your points are clear, using more specific examples can make your arguments more compelling. Try to include personal anecdotes or more concrete statistics where possible.
coherence cohesion
Attempt to use linking words more naturally and variedly to improve the flow between paragraphs and sentences.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph fully develops one central idea. Some paragraphs introduce new ideas which may disrupt coherence. Stick to one point per paragraph and elaborate fully on it.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a sense of closure to the essay.
task achievement
You have clearly responded to both parts of the question, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the lockdown.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay, including the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, is clear and logical.
coherence cohesion
The use of transitions and linking words is generally good and aids in the overall flow of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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