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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Government of many countries had to impose a lockdown to control the Coronavirus pandemic. What were the advantages and disadvantages of this lockdown.Give eamples from your own experience

It was thought that quarantine was the best possible solution ,implemented by
govenments
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governments
, during
covid-19
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COVID-19
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 spread to
decline
Verb problem
reduce
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 the number of
people
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 catching the virus.
While
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 the
lockdown
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 caused many
people
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's lives
being
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to be
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 saved, there are many primary drawbacks involved, including dead ends to many occupations and serious mental health issues. One evident disadvantage is that a lot of
people
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 lost their
career
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careers
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, most contact jobs had to be stopped during the pandemic in order to minimise
the
Correct article usage
apply
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face-to-face interaction.
This
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 resulted in thousands of restaurants being closed,
as well as
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,
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
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 of millions of
people
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for instance
Linking Words
. Another devastating drawback of the
lockdown
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 was severe mental health issues. It is reported that a lot of
people
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 experienced stress and pressure, even in some cases
people
Use synonyms
 dealt with depression. An indication of that would be limited interaction of
people
Use synonyms
 with their friends and relatives which can ultimately collapse the population's social life.
On the other hand
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, even though the
lockdown
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 ,to some extent, destroyed the mental health of almost everyone, it saved millions of lives. Simply, if it was not for the quarantine, the number of patients would grow excessively which could lead to an immediate need for medical services that
costs
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cost
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 a lot of money for the
governments
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government
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. Another obvious advantage of quarantine
,
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apply
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 was the emergence of online platforms including online education and online shops.
Overall
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, the
lockdown
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 caused an enormous development in the virtual world and introduced us to a new way of living. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it was tough to encounter with covid 19 and all the related difficulties,
people
Use synonyms
 learned to adapt quickly and figured out solutions in order to control it and even benefit from it.

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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis in the introduction to more clearly outline the advantages and disadvantages, providing a more solid framework for your essay.
task achievement
While your points are clear, using more specific examples can make your arguments more compelling. Try to include personal anecdotes or more concrete statistics where possible.
coherence cohesion
Attempt to use linking words more naturally and variedly to improve the flow between paragraphs and sentences.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph fully develops one central idea. Some paragraphs introduce new ideas which may disrupt coherence. Stick to one point per paragraph and elaborate fully on it.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a sense of closure to the essay.
task achievement
You have clearly responded to both parts of the question, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the lockdown.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay, including the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, is clear and logical.
coherence cohesion
The use of transitions and linking words is generally good and aids in the overall flow of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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