The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The flow diagram depicts how
sugar
Use synonyms
is produced from
sugar
Use synonyms
cane.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
diagram provides eight specific pictures to help realize more
throughtly
Correct your spelling
thoroughly
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the flow diagram illustrates seven steps and it is divided the two major steps, respectively harvesting and manufacturing. To be with, the original ingredients of
sugar
Use synonyms
are
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Use synonyms
that need approximately 12 to 18 months to grow.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Use synonyms
are harvested by heavy machines and manpower.
Then
Linking Words
following the next step, these
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Use synonyms
are crushed by the machine, which contains two massive wheels to manipulate, thereby producing
juice
Use synonyms
. After
sugar
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
juice
Use synonyms
, there is a purification system to purify the
sugar
Use synonyms
juice
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
system contains a limestone filter to assist the process of purifying. Next
Juice
Use synonyms
is sent to an evaporator, which uses the below heat to evaporate
juice
Use synonyms
to become syrup. After the evaporator procedure, there is a centrifuge to separate
sugar
Use synonyms
crystals from syrup. Ultimately, the
sugar
Use synonyms
is drought and cooled in a huge cane.
Submitted by daniellin0717 on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, canes, juice with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • mature
  • harvest
  • extract
  • purification
  • impurities
  • evaporation
  • thick syrup
  • crystallization
  • centrifugation
  • molasses
  • raw sugar crystals
  • refinement
  • purify
  • whiten
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