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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think person happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, the concept of
happiness
Use synonyms
 distinct from one era to another.
Thus
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, there is a debate on the causes the
happiness
Use synonyms
. A diverse range of individuals believe that
happiness
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 is connected to the economic system.
While
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 others are convinced that it depends on other factors. I have a balanced opinion on
this
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 argument. In
this
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 essay, I will elaborate on my view. To commence with, there are a lot of burdens and commitments raised. These things made
people
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 suffer.
Therefore
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, they are waiting for motivation and their peer to foster them. They can give support in disparate ways
such
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 as financial and motivation. New research from Cairo University illustrates that individuals who are motivated by peers. They are more productive and helpful.
Moreover
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, they can be delighted by other persons outside the circle of family members.
For instance
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, successful companies have good managers. The manager assists his coworkers and interacts with them as their family.
Furthermore
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, high salaries made
people
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 feel ecstatic. They are convinced they are able to obtain or handle any method.
In addition
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, they will not be aware of bills. They can purchase a lot of things. One of the sparked instances is Bronai. The Embrator of Bronai supported his
people
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 financially. The
people
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's feelings for their Highness are meaningful.
Moreover
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, low taxes and mitigated inflation are sources of success.
For instance
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, Gulf countries like Oman and KSA governments do not charge their
people
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 taxes. The
people
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 feel proud of their government and leaders. In conclusion,
happiness
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 will be different from one community to another.
However
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, the government should be aware of their society. They should impose all sources and efforts to improve the community.

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clear comprehensive ideas
Work on making the ideas clearer and more comprehensive. Some of the arguments presented are a bit vague or not fully developed. Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your thesis and directly relates to the topic.
relevant specific examples
Strengthen the connection between your main points and examples. Some examples, although relevant, are not clearly linked to the arguments they are supposed to support. It's essential to elaborate on how exactly they illustrate your point.
logical structure
Improve logical structure by developing clearer transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Using more transition words and phrases can help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, giving a good framing to the essay.
supported main points
You touched on multiple facets of the topic, discussing both economic success and other factors contributing to happiness. This shows a balanced view and a wide range of thought.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic success
  • material wealth
  • emotional well-being
  • psychological satisfaction
  • personal fulfillment
  • quality of life
  • financial stability
  • socioeconomic status
  • mental health
  • sense of purpose
  • interpersonal relationships
  • cultural norms
  • subjective well-being
  • life satisfaction
  • luxuries
  • financial security
  • self-actualization
  • work-life balance
  • non-materialistic values
  • livelihood
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