Many people have more jobs at the same time, so they dont have enough time for their family. To what extend do you agree this ?
In
this
day and age, in order
to solve the financial burdens and also
respond to the demands of each individual, more inhabitants
decide to own more jobs
at a particular time
. However
, more people argue that the trend creates a selfish environment due to
the workers only spending time
on tasks instead
of family and hobbies. From my point of view, I believe the schedule of employees also
should invest time
in children and leisure activities in order
to protect their health and family feelings. In this
essay, I will present some valid points for this
idea.
In terms of the reason for that social phenomenon, more inhabitants
today have to face issues from living standards such
as demands of income or assets. Therefore
, the labour and intelligence employees work full time
in several jobs
to solve those individuals’s aforementioned problems. Additionally
, working hard in other missions as well as
the key to accumulating money for investment in shares or allocation of property. As a result
, more residents can handle the expenditures from daily life and luxurious items. For instance
, Vietnamese poor people in contemporary society always own more than both jobs
in order
to spend on crucial groceries such
as rice, meat and vegetables or the middle class is employed with only the reason of becoming owners of houses and apartments.
Notwithstanding, that phenomenon can devise detrimental effects on themself and including of surrounding relationships. The workers who only share time
for other tasks cannot construct love effectively for their children and wives because the competition for assets comprises major minds in their brains. In addition
, overwork in the lack of advantageous conditions such
as in coalmines, more inhabitants
can own the highest opportunities to be victims of health problems such
as lung cancers, issues of respiratory and cardiovascular diseases. The potential dangerous risk for major workers who have more jobs
at present.
In conclusion, in order
to contribute to the protection of healthcare, relationships in the family and more than that financial income, more inhabitants
have to devise a balance in life with a particular job and decline unnecessary spending.Submitted by phamnhung275 on
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task achievement
Your essay adequately addresses the prompt, discussing the phenomenon where people hold multiple jobs and its impact on family time. However, to improve your Task Response score, you should develop your arguments in more detail and ensure they are tightly focused on answering the question.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to make clearer connections between your points and ensure each paragraph smoothly leads to the next. Using a variety of cohesive devices will strengthen the logical flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to understand your main argument.
relevant specific examples
You provide relevant examples to support your points, such as the situation of Vietnamese workers, which adds credibility to your argument.
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