Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In today’s world, with the rise of cheap and innovative machinery, more and more parents are using smartphones as “digital babysitters.”
As a result
, some offspring are spending hours every day on their devices, watching YouTube videos or scrolling through social media. From my perspective, this
is a two-sided problem, but the drawbacks outweigh the benefits.
On one hand, early access to smartphones can prepare kids for a rapidly changing world. Because automation is so commonplace now, it is necessary that the children
have knowledge of how to use it, or they run the risk of being called “lagging behind” by their peers. Furthermore
, children
do not want to sit down and read the news, so social media and YouTube are excellent ways of helping them keep up with the world and be able to discuss it with their guardians in depth.
On the other side of the spectrum, although
letting your child learn how to use tech is important in the 21st century, parents these days do not bother to control what their youngsters are watching, leading to exposure to clickbait, malicious or inappropriate information. This
could potentially ruin their young perception of life and endanger important information about their parents, such
as their credit card information or downloading viruses. It also
ruins their eyesight at a young age, because children
are using phones for hours at a time, which may force them to wear glasses or contact lenses. Last
but not least, kids can become addicted to their devices. If they are already wasting hours surfing the internet, when they grow up, they may lose the ability to concentrate, which will affect their grades and leave a bad impression on teachers.
To conclude
, even though there are certain benefits of using smartphones, I strongly believe that children
are still too young to know how to use machinery effectively, and that guardians should stop abusing technology as a tool to keep their offspring occupied instead
of spending more time playing with them.Submitted by minhlieu.hnd on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt. It touches on both why children spend hours on smartphones and evaluates the positive and negative aspects. However, you could delve a bit deeper into examples or statistics to support your points further.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are generally well organized and flow logically. Yet, you could improve transitions between paragraphs and ideas to make the essay smoother. For instance, more transition phrases could enhance the readability.
coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity, make sure every paragraph thoroughly supports the topic sentence. Sometimes, there is a slight drift off-topic which can confuse the reader. Staying very focused on the topic within each paragraph will improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and a well-rounded conclusion, which ties your main points together effectively.
task achievement
The main ideas are supported and you have offered a balanced view, considering both sides of the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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