More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In today’s modern world, obesity has become a major issue among kids. Being overweight can impact seriously for child’s health being and
also
may limit physical activity. In
this
essay, I am going to discuss the reasons for
this
problem and find the outcomes of
this
issue. To start with one of the main causes of kids in developed countries facing fatness is that they got used to consuming unhealthy foods.
This
happens
due to
our busy lifestyle of adults so
consequently
they can’t spend enough time to feed their youngsters with natural food. Nowadays, we have quick access to instant food.
For instance
, a recent article published by the Guardian states, research informs that there is a significant growth in fast food sales worldwide,
also
they have identified that most of their customers are youngsters whose ages are around 10-16 years old.
As a result
of the above causes, one of the biggest problems that can be is diabetes.
Such
figures may affect badly in a country’s health quality, so these diseases, juveniles are having mental disorders like depression. To give an example, a recent investigation done by UNICEF illustrates that children who suffer from chubbiness may end up with anxiety.
To sum up
my essay, Parents ought to spend with them time as possible and pay attention to their children’s diet which can end up in getting sick with diabetes and many other mental illnesses. So, we should stimulate them to eat more natural, fresh foods and lead an active lifestyle to prevent
further
issues.
Submitted by shahobhozratkulov on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the prompt, there are areas that can be developed further. Try to provide more detailed explanations and examples for your reasons and outcomes. Additionally, addressing a wider range of causes and effects could strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion. However, there are some structural issues within the body paragraphs where ideas may feel slightly disjointed. Consider using more linking phrases to improve the flow between your points, and make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea for coherence.
general
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well.
general
You provide relevant examples to support your points, which helps convey your ideas effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • caloric intake
  • processed foods
  • fast food culture
  • screen time
  • metabolic disorders
  • healthcare expenditure
  • lifestyle diseases
  • preventative strategies
  • nutritional education
  • public health policy
  • body mass index (BMI)
  • emotional well-being
  • stigmatization
  • exercise regimen
  • eating habits
  • junk food
  • socioeconomic factors
  • health literacy
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