Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent
years
, many people believe that
students
under 18
years
old should be required to have a full-time
education
. From my perspective, I strongly agree with
this
view
due to
multiple reasons.
To begin
with,
education
is essential for fostering a student's cognitive abilities. Kids who are able to go to school can learn basic fundamental ideas, concepts and belief systems that they need when they
become
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come
show examples
of age.
For example
, a child who dreams of becoming a doctor will need a basic understanding of science in general, and usually, schools have a good system to teach kids in an age-appropriate manner.
Then
this
basic foundation of science can aid the child in the future to achieve their dreams of becoming a doctor.
In addition
,
education
should be the focus of
students
who are less than 18
years
old because they are able to identify their strengths and weaknesses. The things that they learn through having proper
education
can help them enhance their understanding of how the world works in the "real world" and they would not be abused by other people.
For example
, in the Philippines
students
are taught about labour laws before graduating high school as there is a high rate of
students
not furthering
education
and just finding work after high school graduation.
This
will help them to be not exploited when they start working.
Also
,
students
should be allowed to participate in after-class activities or sports to develop soft skills which can aid in shaping their personality. In conclusion, mandatory full-time
education
should be required if a student is less than 18
years
old as it helps kids
to
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apply
show examples
enhance cognitive abilities and social skills.
Submitted by estillorericamae on

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task achievement
While your essay responds well to the prompt and provides strong arguments, consider deepening your analysis. For example, discuss potential counterarguments and provide more specific examples or data to back up your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, and use more varied linking words to enhance the flow. You can improve the logical structure by revisiting how points are connected and ensuring a smooth transition between them.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, providing a clear direction for the essay.
task achievement
The points you made are supported with relevant examples, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate your main ideas well.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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