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Writing Samples
Band 7

some colleges encourage students to create businesses while they are still in school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#colleges #students #businesses #school #outweigh
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It is a common belief that it is good for college and university
business
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 programs to make their
students
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 start businesses
while
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 in school.
However
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, there is a more persuasive argument that the disadvantages of
this
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 outweigh the benefits.
This
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 is because running a
business
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 can divert
students
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' attention away from the basic goal of higher education. On the one hand, trying to get a
business
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 off the ground
while
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 still in college can help
students
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 put their ideas into practice using theories presented during their classes.
This
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 hands-on involvement offers the
students
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 a more engaging way of learning.
For instance
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,
students
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 may be asked to write out a
business
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 plan for a food truck in class, but they will not know whether it would actually be successful without trying to bring their idea to life. If they are encouraged to set up the
business
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, they will be able to see how to implement their plan and more easily gain practical knowledge that will be valuable in their future careers. Even though,
students
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 would struggle to concentrate on their studies if universities made them create businesses. Starting a
business
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 involves a significant commitment of time and energy, which
students
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 should be using to focus on studying.
According to
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 recent research, it takes an average of two years to get a
business
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 up and running.
Furthermore
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, managing a successful
business
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 is a full-time job, which usually requires people to work at least six hours per day.
Students
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 would be unable to dedicate that amount of time to their
business
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 without neglecting their studies to some extent,
thus
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 hindering their long-term professional development.
To sum up
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,
while
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 there are some advantages to encouraging
students
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 to start businesses as part of their studies, it is evident that there are far more disadvantages to forcing
students
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 to go into
business
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while
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 in college.
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Language Use
Try to use more varied and complex sentence structures to enhance the fluency and readability of your essay.
Task Achievement
Consider providing a more detailed evaluation of the benefits and disadvantages. For instance, include specific examples or data to better support your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Aim to better connect the body paragraphs with transitional phrases to improve coherence and flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay effectively includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a strong framework for your argument.
Task Achievement
You have demonstrated a good ability to cover the prompt and have given a balanced view on both advantages and disadvantages.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • advantages
  • outweigh
  • disadvantages
  • real-world experience
  • practical skills
  • entrepreneurial mindset
  • creativity
  • financial independence
  • job opportunities
  • personal growth
  • professional growth
  • lack of focus
  • academic
  • financial risks
  • uncertainties
  • negative impact
  • grades
  • difficulty balancing
  • responsibilities
  • overall opinion
  • conclusion
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