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Band 7.5

In some cultures,children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvages of giving children this message?

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In some parts of the world,
children
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 are taught that they can do everything if they put enough effort into it. In my opinion,
while
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 it can offer
children
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 certain advantages, it can pose them with a number of risks. On the one hand,
this
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 teaching can have positive impacts on
children
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. It is true that when
children
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 are taught so, they will have more faith in their achievements and work harder towards their goals.
For instance
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, Carol Dweck’s research on “growth mindset” has been influential in understanding the benefits of teaching
children
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 that effort leads to success. In her studies,
children
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 who were praised for their effort rather than innate ability were more likely to persist through challenges, embrace learning, and achieve higher levels of success. In a 2007 study, Dweck and her colleagues found that students with a growth mindset were more likely to improve their grades and test scores over time compared to those with a fixed mindset.
Thus
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, educating
children
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 to work hard to achieve things in their lives can give
children
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 a beneficial mindset.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 type of education can bring
children
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 disadvantages. It has become a fact that with that thinking, unrealistic
expectations
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 are created, especially if not accompanied by a discussion about limitations and the importance of recognizing one’s strengths and weaknesses. Since
children
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 may feel pressure to succeed in areas where they lack natural aptitude or interest, it can lead to frustration, burnout, or a sense of failure when they don’t meet these
expectations
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.
For example
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, a study published in the Journal of Educational Psychology (2002) by Patricia A. Alexander looked at the impact of unrealistic
expectations
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 on student performance and well-being. The study found that students who held unrealistic beliefs about their abilities and the outcomes of their efforts were more likely to experience anxiety and lower self-esteem when they couldn’t meet those
expectations
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.
To sum up
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, it can have a negative influence on
children
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. In conclusion,
this
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 teaching has both pros and cons.
Although
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 it can help
children
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 have more motivation, it might cause
children
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 to feel overwhelmed when trying to meet unrealistic
expectations
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.
Thus
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, I stand in between in
this
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 debate, and I suggest that adults should consider carefully when telling
children
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 to believe in it.

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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from slightly more nuanced analysis in the advantages and disadvantages sections. Consider adding more varied examples or deeper insights to showcase the complexity of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to include clear transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs for an even smoother flow of ideas. Although the logical structure is quite strong, incorporating more transitional phrases can further enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which emphasizes the main points and gives a neat summary of the discussion.
task achievement
You have used relevant and specific examples, particularly referencing Carol Dweck’s research on “growth mindset,” which strengthens your arguments.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear and comprehensive, and you have balanced the discussion by acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • motivation
  • self-esteem
  • confidence
  • perseverance
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • anxiety
  • resilience
  • mental health
  • external factors
  • socio-economic conditions
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