Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types pf progress are equally important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
At present, the government heavily prioritizes the financial development of the country, and
people
criticize that there are more important factors such
as education
and culture to be promoted, which are equally important. Both these views will be discussed, followed by a conclusion.
On the one hand, people
believe that a quality education
is important because it fosters creativity and analytic thinking. As a result
, when teenagers mature, they will have the knowledge and skills to overcome difficult situations in the future. Additionally
, this
leads to great innovations as they have creative minds. For example
, graduates of Griffith University have created new innovations and guided them to overcome an economic crisis that occurred in 1990. This
symbolizes the personal skills and ideas that education
contributes. Moreover
, attention to culture hinders. Customs and traditions which passed through several decades not only highlight arts, songs, beliefs, and cuisine but also
shape identity and influence how individuals interact with each other and the environment. Due to
a lack of knowledge about culture, people
act selfish
and uncontrollably when they interact with others.
Change the word
selfishly
On the other hand
, the government focusing on economic growth will contribute to investing in the global market. For instance
, many countries are already bankrupt because future plans for economic success are not considered. Furthermore
, introducing the right schemes will diminish poor infrastructure. Many countries have low-quality transportation systems, healthcare, and quality education
. Therefore
, if the country has a skyrocketed economy, there will be an enormous amount of industries where citizens will have greater career opportunities. For instance
, the USA contributed 100 trillion dollars to building hospitals, which made lives safer and created approximately 100 million new jobs.
In conclusion, even though other aspects lead to the development of personal skills like creativity, maturity, and the right behaviours in society however
, personally, I believe that Add the comma(s)
, however
government's
involvement in economic progress is more prominent as it leads to overcoming poor infrastructure, greater profession, and invest at the global market, which will help Correct article usage
the government's
people
to enhance their living standard.Submitted by Witharana Senesh Rasinda Wickramasinghe on
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task achievement
While the essay addresses both sides of the argument, try to provide more balance and depth to each perspective. Expand on each point with additional examples or arguments.
task achievement
The main points are supported but some of the examples could be more directly relevant to strengthen the argument. Consider ensuring that all examples directly support the point being made.
coherence cohesion
Strive for better integration between paragraphs and ensure that the ideas flow more naturally from one to the next. Use more transitional phrases and sentences to link ideas together smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Watch for minor inaccuracies and minor awkward expressions. They do not significantly detract from understanding, but polishing your language could elevate your essay.
introduction conclusion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
You have included relevant points about the importance of education, culture and economic progress, showing a good understanding of the topic.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs and a coherent progression of ideas, contributing to ease of understanding.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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