Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types pf progress are equally important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
At present, the government heavily prioritizes the financial development of the country, and
people
criticize that there are more important factors Use synonyms
such
as Linking Words
education
and culture to be promoted, which are equally important. Both these views will be discussed, followed by a conclusion.
On the one hand, Use synonyms
people
believe that a quality Use synonyms
education
is important because it fosters creativity and analytic thinking. Use synonyms
As a result
, when teenagers mature, they will have the knowledge and skills to overcome difficult situations in the future. Linking Words
Additionally
, Linking Words
this
leads to great innovations as they have creative minds. Linking Words
For example
, graduates of Griffith University have created new innovations and guided them to overcome an economic crisis that occurred in 1990. Linking Words
This
symbolizes the personal skills and ideas that Linking Words
education
contributes. Use synonyms
Moreover
, attention to culture hinders. Customs and traditions which passed through several decades not only highlight arts, songs, beliefs, and cuisine but Linking Words
also
shape identity and influence how individuals interact with each other and the environment. Linking Words
Due to
a lack of knowledge about culture, Linking Words
people
act Use synonyms
selfish
and uncontrollably when they interact with others.
Change the word
selfishly
On the other hand
, the government focusing on economic growth will contribute to investing in the global market. Linking Words
For instance
, many countries are already bankrupt because future plans for economic success are not considered. Linking Words
Furthermore
, introducing the right schemes will diminish poor infrastructure. Many countries have low-quality transportation systems, healthcare, and quality Linking Words
education
. Use synonyms
Therefore
, if the country has a skyrocketed economy, there will be an enormous amount of industries where citizens will have greater career opportunities. Linking Words
For instance
, the USA contributed 100 trillion dollars to building hospitals, which made lives safer and created approximately 100 million new jobs.
In conclusion, even though other aspects lead to the development of personal skills like creativity, maturity, and the right behaviours in society Linking Words
Linking Words
however
, personally, I believe that Add the comma(s)
, however
government's
involvement in economic progress is more prominent as it leads to overcoming poor infrastructure, greater profession, and invest at the global market, which will help Correct article usage
the government's
people
to enhance their living standard.Use synonyms
Submitted by Witharana Senesh Rasinda Wickramasinghe on
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task achievement
While the essay addresses both sides of the argument, try to provide more balance and depth to each perspective. Expand on each point with additional examples or arguments.
task achievement
The main points are supported but some of the examples could be more directly relevant to strengthen the argument. Consider ensuring that all examples directly support the point being made.
coherence cohesion
Strive for better integration between paragraphs and ensure that the ideas flow more naturally from one to the next. Use more transitional phrases and sentences to link ideas together smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Watch for minor inaccuracies and minor awkward expressions. They do not significantly detract from understanding, but polishing your language could elevate your essay.
introduction conclusion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
You have included relevant points about the importance of education, culture and economic progress, showing a good understanding of the topic.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs and a coherent progression of ideas, contributing to ease of understanding.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?