IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

#people #experimentation #animals #discoveries #experiments #alternatives
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays many animal lovers assert that applying experiments on
animals
 is a brutal activity that must be stopped as soon as possible.
Although
 these experiments are crucial in order to save human beings, I am certain that it is not fair that other kinds of creatures pay for human
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
existence on the earth and there is a better alternative for
this
 purpose.
To begin
 with, there is no way to eliminate the testing step from a manufacturing process of a product, as it is crucial to assess the quality of a product before
sell
Change the verb form
selling
show examples
 it in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
large quantities. One of the
low cost
Add a hyphen
low-cost
show examples
option
Change to a plural noun
options
show examples
 for
this
 purpose is a sample of
animals
. Using
animals
 can save money and time, as they have shorter life
span
Fix the agreement mistake
spans
show examples
 and it's easy to catch their maturity in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 short term.
For example
, a mouse has a 2-year life cycle and it's easy for scientists to regenerate the affected mice they used in a short period of time.
Moreover
, mice are biologically similar to
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
, which makes the results much more reliable.
On the other hand
,
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 might be a better alternative for these activities. These days there are some individuals who suffer from chronic illnesses and decide to end their lives by their own decision.
For instance
, by providing some institutions that offer volunteering participation in crucial experiments, most of the people who have already decided to finish their lives
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 would prefer to sacrifice themselves with the hope that the results of the testing on their bodies might rescue other humans. In conclusion, utilizing
animals
 in
laboratory
Add an article
the laboratory
a laboratory
show examples
 is a fairly logical decision;
however
,
this
 is an efficient idea to offer facilities to people who are willing to donate their bodies for human sakes before they
dead
Replace the word
die
show examples
.
Submitted by Sara.dehghanimoini on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement to more clearly outline the points you will discuss in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas within the paragraphs are logically organized.
task achievement
Provide more concrete and specific examples to support your arguments. This can help to strengthen your points and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Improve your transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This can help in making your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
task achievement
The introduction effectively sets up the argument and presents the main issue.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion sections.
task achievement
The points made in the essay are relevant to the topic and contribute to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points and offers a potential solution, which provides a strong closing to the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
What to do next:
Look at other essays: