It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future.

#people #money #future

For many

people

, saving

money

is a very important mindset in

theri

Correct your spelling

their

lives

, especially for young

people

. In

this

essay, I will argue that saving

money

is important.

This

is an essential theory guiding our

lives

and we should understand and handle it to make our

lives

better.

First,

there are many

risks

in our

lives

, which actually we cannot predict when and where they will happen. So, we should save

money

in our daily

lives

. In general, we could save a fifth

income

as our risk insurance. Once

risks

happen,

such

as illnesses,

accidents

Correct word choice

or accidents

show examples

this

insurance can help us out of trouble.

This

is a very important means when we handle the risk.

Also

this

is one of

preparations

Add an article

the preparations

show examples

in our family's daily

lives

Hence

, saving

money

as a preparation can help us handle

risks

better.

Second,

saving

money

allows us to learn how to manage financial

income

, especially for the youth. Take,

for example

, many young

people

don't have much

money

during their schooling. They can earn

money

from helping neighbours and some related activities. In

this

period, young

people

should learn how to

use

their financial

income

such

as how to choose and purchase things they want. Because

this

amount of

income

is generally not large, the youth have to

use

it carefully. In most cases, they have to save

money

to achieve their goal, buying

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

costly things. So, saving

money

can teach young

people

use

money

in an ideal way. In conclusion, I totally agree saving

money

is very important in our

lives

. It can help us handle

risks

better and teach us how to

use

money

Submitted by universe.edge on Wed Aug 14 2024

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task achievement

Your essay does a good job in addressing the task response, but make sure all your points are fully developed and explained. For example, you could elaborate more on how financial planning impacts young people's future.

coherence cohesion

In terms of coherence and cohesion, ensure that your ideas are logically structured. Try to make the transitions between paragraphs smoother to improve the logical flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion which frames your essay well.

task achievement

The essay addresses the importance of saving money from multiple angles, demonstrating your ability to cover the topic comprehensively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

273 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial security
safety net
unforeseen circumstances
emergencies
future investments
retirement planning
financial discipline
habit of saving
amassing wealth
substantial fund
opportunity cost
additional income
inflation
purchasing power

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It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future.

Your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties having enough sleep what are problems caused by lack of sleep? what can be done about this lack of sleep?

In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problem is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this?

Economic progress is one way to measure the success of a country, while some people think there are other factors. What other factors should be considered? Within these factors, do you think anyone is more important than economic progress?

Some people think companies should employ old people to work as they have a lot of working experience. Others, however, think it is better to recruit young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

A faction of people hold(?) the notion that employment in(?) not necessary if there is a stable income. I totally agree with this opinion as ample reasons to substantiate it. This essay will explain my view with relevant illustrations.