IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Life was better when technology was simpler. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#life #technology
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It is argued that our lives were more fulfilling when technology was less complex. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and believe that technology has made life much better because smartphones save us time and the
internet
Use synonyms
 has improved education. New phones,
such
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 as the iPhone, have made our daily lives much less laborious and have given us more free time. Tasks that used to require a lot of energy and time can now be done at the touch of a button.
For example
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, if people wanted to communicate with one another in the past, they had to write a letter, take it to the post office, and
then
Linking Words
 wait for it to be delivered,
whereas
Linking Words
 these days people can simply tap the email icon on their touchscreen and send a message to whomever they want to communicate with within seconds. The
internet
Use synonyms
 has
also
Linking Words
 enriched education. In the past, students had to rely on a teacher and physical books for their education, and these were often either unavailable or in a format that most people did not want, but now the
internet
Use synonyms
 provides us with more information than we could ever dream of, and
this
Linking Words
 has made us more independent and effective learners.
For example
Linking Words
, there are now thousands of free online courses available on YouTube that anyone can watch and learn from anywhere in the world. In conclusion, I believe that life has been greatly improved by technological advancements, particularly labour-saving phones and the learning opportunities provided by the
Internet
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by maymocsb on

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coherence cohesion
While your essay maintains a logical flow, consider using more transitional phrases between paragraphs to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Also, while your arguments and examples are strong, ensure that the examples are varied to cover more aspects of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay is very clear and stays on topic throughout, effectively fulfilling the task requirements.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure includes a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion, which improves readability and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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