IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many countries spend a lot of money in art. Some people think investment in art is necessary, but others say money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both arguments and give your opinion

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It is argued that
while
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 some
people
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 believe that investing in
art
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 is essential, others contend that government funds should be better allocated to
health
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 and
education
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. In my opinion,
while
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art
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 contributes to cultural and societal enrichment, prioritizing
health
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 and
education
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 is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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crucial for the
overall
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 well-being and progress of a nation. Those who support investment in
art
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 argue that
art
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 is a fundamental aspect of human culture and identity. They believe that
art
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 fosters creativity, preserves cultural heritage, and inspires individuals to think critically.
This
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 means that
art
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 not only enhances the aesthetic appeal of a society but
also
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 plays a role in uniting
people
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 through shared cultural experiences.
For instance
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, public
art
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 installations and museums can educate
people
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 about their history and promote tourism, which in turn, boosts the economy.
Therefore
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, supporters believe that
art
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 is worthy of government investment.
On the other hand
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, proponents of investing in
health
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 and
education
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 argue that these sectors are vital for a country's development.
In other words
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, a healthy and educated population forms the backbone of a strong and prosperous nation. Without proper healthcare,
people
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 are more likely to suffer from diseases, reducing their quality of life and productivity.
Similarly
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, without access to quality
education
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, individuals may lack the necessary skills and knowledge to contribute effectively to the workforce.
As a result
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, prioritizing
health
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 and
education
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 ensures a more sustainable and equitable development for
the
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society. In conclusion, it is apparent that
while
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art
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 holds significant value in society, the importance of
health
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 and
education
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 cannot be overstated. In my opinion, government funds should primarily be directed towards improving
health
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 and
education
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, as these are the foundations of a nation's prosperity and long-term success.

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task achievement
In the future, consider incorporating more specific examples to further support your arguments. For instance, mentioning specific countries or programs that have benefited from investing in health and education would strengthen your points.
task achievement
While your ideas are comprehensive, try expanding on why you personally believe health and education should take precedence over art. This can add a more personal touch to your essay, making your opinion clearer.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-structured and logical flow, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a strong conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully incorporated a balanced discussion, addressing both sides of the argument before presenting your own opinion.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported with explanations, making your argument persuasive and comprehensive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • vital part
  • culture and heritage
  • attracting tourists
  • promote diversity
  • foster creativity
  • fundamental needs
  • directly impact
  • economic performance
  • productive workforce
  • widespread benefits
  • solid foundation
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