IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that zoos are all cruel and should be closed down. Others however believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.

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Recently, the question of whether
zoos
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 are all harsh and need to be banned or can be helpful in conserving wild
animals
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 has been a topic of discussion.
While
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 many reasons can endorse the former opinion, I am still in
a
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apply
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favor of the latter. On the one hand, banning
zoos
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 can be beneficial in some ways.
Firstly
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,
zoos
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is
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are
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 always hampering animal’s wildlife in cages. The first reason for my argument is that if
animals
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 are enclosed
with
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in
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restrictive
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the restrictive
a restrictive
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 environment for a long time, they will gradually lose their natural instincts
such
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 as hunting or preying.
Secondly
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, animal mistreatment is sometimes reported in
zoos
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 annually, causing them mental and physical harm.
For example
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,
zoos
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 may force
animals
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 to perform hazardous circus tricks to make visitors suspenseful, leading
to
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apply
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them to become weaker and stressed.
This
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 may cause them to display violent
performance
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performances
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 or even attack visitors.
On the other hand
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, I believe
zoos
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 should be maintained because of
its
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their
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 wider range of virtues.
To begin
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 with,
zoos
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 act as wildlife
refuge
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refuges
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 for
animals
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 which are on the verge of extinction. To exemplify,
zoos
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 can protect rare
animals
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 from human activities and environmental threats
such
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 as poaching, deforestation and natural disasters. Another reason is that educating students
in
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about
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 preserving the natural habitat of wild
animals
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 in
zoos
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 is necessary and convenient. Only when
zoos
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 provide essential knowledge of education, will students acknowledge the importance of wild species
such
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 as the world’s biodiversity. In conclusion, it is understandable
that
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apply
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why
zoos
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 should be closed down.
However
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, I still hold a belief that
zoos
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 can contribute to the safety of wild
animals
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.

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task achievement
You have provided a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt. However, try to fully develop each idea to give a deeper analysis.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, the essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, improving transitions between ideas can make the writing flow more smoothly.
task achievement
You effectively addressed both perspectives on the issue, demonstrating a balanced understanding.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-written and effectively encapsulate the main argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant specific examples which strengthened your argument for maintaining zoos.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
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