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Band 8

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer, and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantage of this development outweighs the disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #advantage #development
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It is true that the advanced progress made in the medical field has led humans to live for an extended period of time. In my opinion, the merits of
this
 phenomenon surpass the drawbacks. As the population's
life
expectancy
 increases,
people
 are able to live longer and make the most out of their lives. Individuals are now able to enjoy their time following retirement and do activities that were
otherwise
 impossible during their employment.
For example
, thanks to the advanced medical systems, many retirees and senior citizens are able to travel around the world for leisure,
while
 still being in a good physical condition.
Moreover
, with the increased
expectancy
 of
life
, elderly
people
 have the opportunity to spend quality time with their offspring and grandchildren.
This
 privilege is invaluable as it allows younger generations to learn from the vast experience and
life
 lessons that grandparents can provide.
Additionally
, society can take advantage of the experience that older
people
 possess by allowing them to share their knowledge and experience in different fields through advisory positions.
On the other hand
, one of the downsides of prolonged
life
expectancy
 is that it can lead to old
people
 being a burden to their families.
As a result
, many families end up relocating their elderly relatives to nursing homes to alleviate the burden of having to look after them. Even worse, many elders are subjected to abandonment or abuse by their family members. Despite the negative impacts that are associated with prolonged
life
expectancy
, I believe that the positives far exceed the negatives of
this
 occurrence.
Submitted by ramtariqh on

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task achievement
To strengthen the task response and achieve higher scores, consider addressing potential counterarguments and refuting them effectively. This demonstrates a deeper understanding and a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay is structured logically, using more cohesive devices and transitional phrases could enhance the flow of ideas. This ensures your points are more seamlessly connected.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your response well.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported with relevant examples, making your arguments more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • dependency ratio
  • healthcare costs
  • working-age population
  • financial stability
  • medical research
  • age-related diseases
  • generational bonds
  • social services
  • pensions
  • elderly care
  • consumer market
  • ethical considerations
  • prolonged life
  • burden on healthcare systems
  • wisdom and experience
  • retirement periods
  • family bonds
  • industries targeting elderly
  • improved medical care
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