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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows information about students studying at an Australian university in 2009

The table shows information about students studying at an Australian university in 2009
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The provided table gives
information
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 on the number of students who got tertiary
education
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 at an Australian university in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 particular
year-2009
Correct your spelling
year 2009
 and selected by exact departments, namely
humanities
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,
education
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, science, physics,
information
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technology
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 and engineering.
Information
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 on the percentage of a certain gender, females, non-native English speakers and those who were born outside of Australia. Generally speaking, it is evident that
education
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 and
humanities
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 comprised a vast majority of women who studied there,
while
Linking Words
Information
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technology
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 was the appropriate option for non-native individuals, who were not born in Australia and moved from other countries. First and foremost, it can be clearly seen that only 15% of females choose engineering,
while
Linking Words
 more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half of them studied science and physics respectively.
Additionally
Linking Words
, 68% of female students studied
at
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in
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 the
education
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 department and an overwhelming number of them learned
humanities
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, 72%. With regards to those people, whose first language is not English,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 they were keen
into
Change preposition
on
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information
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technology
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 and engineering
due to
Linking Words
 some unforeseen circumstances.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is worth noticing that
those
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in those
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 who were born in other countries, and not in Australia and studied there,
on
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apply
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humanities
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 20%,
while
Linking Words
on
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in
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 physics and
information
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technology
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 they plateaued
with
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at
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 56%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words information, education, humanities, technology with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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